Tommy Coppererisms

Made me Laugh...

* Did you know all male tennis players are witches? Even that bloke Goran, even he's a witch

* So Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went T'PAU! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand."

* Do you know what makes my blood boil? Crematoriums.

* I was going to write my will today, but then I thought life's too short.

* I'm a hunt saboteur, I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

* I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End'

* I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"

* I was in the supermarket and this man and woman were wrapped in a bar code. I said, "Are you two an item?"

* My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.

* I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."

* I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue, and I couldn't put it down.

* Do you ever get that feeling when you're halfway through eating a horse when you think, "I'm not as hungry as I thought I was."

* So I went to this hotel and the receptionist asked, "Do you have a reservation?? I said, "Yes, I'm worried about the price."

* So I met this rabbit today and he said, "Are you looking at me?" It was Rabbit de Niro.

* He was male rabbit, and he said, "I'm not going any further." I said, "So the buck stops here."

* He chopped off one of his feet, I said to him "That's lucky."

* So this lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

* I was in the hairdressers today and my father's sister came in and she was spinning around. I thought "Oh, my giddy aunt."

* So this cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"

* I left home and my mum said "Don't forget to write" I said "Come on, it's the basic skills"

* So I used to work in Burger King and Andrew Lloyd Webber walked in one day and he said "Give me a couple of whoppers" I said "You're good looking and your musicals are great"

* So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull goes first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest"

* So this bloke said to me "Do you agree with arranged marriages?" I said "Yes I do. I went to a marriage once that hadn't been arranged and it was chaos"

* I was in the cinema watching a very sad film and this bloke behind me started wailing. Then I got hit in the back of the head with a harpoon.

* I went to the doctor. He said "You've got hypochondria" I said "Not that as well"

* I told him "Doctor, I think the whole world is against me" He said "OK lads, he's in here"

* I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director & I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said "I careered off the road"

Don't you just love email to Blog ! Thanks Mrs.Malfoy :-)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester

I BLOG There4 I am