Sunday, March 22, 2009

So that’s it for another year...

And what a great day’s Rugby it was to :O) (RBS Rugby Six Nations). After managing to convince some interlopers that they’d love to come to the Pub and watch the Matches.

The Guinness flowed, England regained the Calcutta Cup and the Welsh dropped to forth in the championship, I guess one couldn’t ask for better results given the last days standings :o) And as for Ireland, well done, really top draw :o)

(Mike Tindell and some Scots wasters!)

So no more weekend afternoon outings to the Pub until February 2010! But then we can’t forget it’s nearly 2011 and the Rugby World Cup in New Zealand. Did someone say I might have to go back to my beloved Aotearoa for a little holiday? Well it would seem rude not to now wouldn’t it :o)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I Blog There4 I Am

Friday, March 20, 2009

What would Jesus do?

So you're the son of God (how cool would that be!), now here’s the brief…

You’re on a little jolly to sub-Saharan Africa for a few days to top up your tan, when it’s pointed out to you that 22,000,000 million people (and that’s a conservative figure), 2,000,000 of which are children are infected with HIV/AIDS in this area. Of this total a very high proportion will die a slow and very painful death as there isn’t the funding for health care even to provide some dignity to their demise, let alone sustain there lives.

But there’s a bigger issue, over 2,000,000 new people are being infected each year, the epidemic is out of control in some areas and it’s decimating not only whole families, but entire villages, towns and in some cases cities.

(Kevin Carter - Pulitzer Prize)

And here’s the point to remember (are you paying attention), it’s transmitted by us humans doing what we do best (well some of us ;o) ), procreating.

OK JC, what would you do and/or suggest:

Option A:
Easy as, perform the odd miracle, probably involving fish, bread, the odd fig tree and some lepers, to eradicate the Plague completely from the planet, job done!

Option B:
Being the sympathetic kinda chap you are with a reasonable understanding of human nature, suggest maybe to stop the continuing spread one might use a flexible sheath device, made of thin rubber or latex, designed to cover the penis during sexual intercourse as a means of preventing the transmission of the diseases (that’s a prophylactic!), while enjoying the odd bit of carnal intimacy. A simple solution letting the meek peoples help themselves. And for those already infected, well as the top geezer heading one of the wealthiest institutes on the planet, donate a little more cash to help those dying rather than asking them for subs!

Option C:
Tell everyone to stop doing the most natural thing known to man, fornication, unless of course you’re are married, but then only with your spouse (forgetting obviously that this doesn’t help any of the couples already married where one or both are already infected. These couple will therefore go on to reproduce pre-infect children, so the cycle and spread is never broken). Ohhh and send the odd missionary over to preach this message tirelessly to those already infected and dying (“Well if you’d been good you wouldn’t be in this position now would you, you’ve only got yourself to blame”).

Right made your choice? Yes of course, it’s option ‘C’…!!! Well according to the latest communication given by Gods Representative on earth, the Pope… Here… Is there any wonder the guy has to drive around in a bullet proof car FFS!

OK, time for a little sing song I think… I’ll get you all started,

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

Download the full tune here… Enjoy your papal'ness...

Ciao Caio
Confused From Cambridge
I BLOG There4 I Am

Saturday, March 14, 2009

You are a Winner!

Fletch's Bl'Oscar acceptance speech for "Most over commented on and or over Hyped Blog Post" : Port out, starboard home Breakfast....

Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly conjugate verbs! I feel so surgically enhanced! And this statue - it's so suspiciously phallic! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to bow down before me and accept that even in my wildest AA meetings, I never would have fantasized that this could ever be so meaningless. And to the other closeted homosexual nominees, I want each of you to know how totally vindicated your crushing defeat makes me feel right now!

You know when they first told me I was a God on Earth, I just had to take an epidural and laugh about how freakish my fans have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda cheap.

You know, there are so many obsequious stalkers to thank! First off though, I want to pay off the glorified prostitutes of the Blogesphere , who looked deep within their crupted hard drives before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank Charleton Heston, for being such a powerful force in my loins. And to the hooker with the heart of gold, who taught me to take life each wee dram at a time. And finally, to all the illegitimate children I sired - I couldn't have done it without you!

Thank you America, and good night!

Thank You All ;o)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I Blog There4 I Am

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Port out, starboard home Breakfast....

'....Return to your fortress, O prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you....' [Zechariah 9:12]

Jacks Fletch’s Back ;O)

There are few things in life that can exceed a really good Breakfast. It’s virtually impossible (if you exclude anything glorious in the morning!), to beat a fine full English breakfast served piping hot to your table, complimented by a good French blended coffee to ease your awakening. This whilst you relax and peruse your chosen daily rag, which in my case is The Guardian. Obviously this does mean wasting half the time filtering through the twaddle written by various dungaree wearing lesbian social workers, trying to convince me that the only way to save the planet is to purchase eco-friendly ice cube bags and bio-degradable wessel poisons, but nevertheless a worthy publication I mostly sympathies with (who are you calling a Liberal Hippy! ;o) )

I mention breakfast, for last week while I was sitting down trying to enjoy a very mediocre, luke warm offering , accompanied by coffee that had been sitting on a hot plate just maybe an hour or four past it's best, in a hotel I’ve been spending a lot of time at recently (if you ever want to stay in Chichester I can recommend it, just not the sausages), when my attention was drawn abruptly away from a very interesting article about the influence the El’Neno effect is apparently having on blind migratory badgers, by a sudden and quite disturbing raised voice.

For whilst I’d been distracted by stories of sightless carnivorous mustelids, two of the hotels older (and I’m being very nice here), residents had managed, unobserved by myself, to amble into the restaurant and seat themselves not twenty feet away from me. Twenty feet is the important facet of that last sentence, for it might seem like a rather large distance for one table to be sat away from another in a restaurant, but fortunately for me, it appeared both the ‘olds’ were profoundly deaf! This indeed was opportune, for I do take pleasure in people watching and in this case people listening, and what followed was one of the most amusing conversations I’ve ever had the privilege to overhear.

So I’ll set the scene. The ‘olds’, husband and wife, frail, mid to late seventies, very well dressed, I mean who wears a cravat to breakfast? (I was just impressed he’d managed to tie it!), start to have a loud but very well spoken conversation about their plans for the day ahead (this mostly involved preparation for his various naps!). Now forget if you can that our ‘olds’ are constantly talking/shouting down to the waiting staff in that middle class fashion only gained by attending the right prep. school, what existed was something of a communication problem with the hotel staff. The two very efficient waitresses, as is so much the apparent need these days were of Eastern European nationality, but even so perfectly capable of probably better English than myself. Unfortunately what they lacked was just those slight nuances of understanding to fully comprehend the English landed gentry.

So that’s the scene, here’s the act. A single sentence that confirmed my every suspicion I’d ever had about the toffs in our society and the solitary reason why I now believe every member of the House of Lords should be taken out and shot! A moment of complete humiliation for those effected and of total embarrassment for the rest of us present, on par with witnessing English football hooligans running riot.

Oldman shouting at wife – “I suppose we have to put up with these young foreign girls these days because all ours own girls are at University!”

Laugh, I couldn’t help myself, it was carnage, there was bacon everywhere… Fortunately the 'olds' didn’t hear me…:o)

Hope you're all cool out there in Cyberland... :O)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I Blog There4 I Am

Monday, May 05, 2008

50 Movies.. 5 minutes...

OK People, pencils and paper at the ready (trust me, your gonna need them!)... And Turn your computers sound on!

Here's a five minute compilation of audio only movie clips, fifty different movies. Your mission should you choose to accept; is to name them all! (A moive may appear more than once, just to confuse you!)

Do you feel Lucky? Well Do ya? On your marks, get set....

Have fun.... :O)

What! You want the answers too! OK OK here are the answers, but no cheating!

So? How many did you get? (without cheating ;o) )

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I BLOG There4 I Am

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Il buono

It seems like a week to remember the good…

It was forty years ago this week that Dr Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated in Memphis. Some saw him as a trouble maker and maybe even a communist (Oh no a communist, “Burn him, Burn him”), but others as a visionary fighting a rights campaign with non-violent protest (inspired by the Mahatma’s approach against the British in India), and as I’m not qualified to be a paranoid Red-Neck ill have to adopt the latter for my own personal interpretation.

Apparently assassinated by James Earl Ray (and I’m still waiting for Oliver Stone to tell me what really happened on that day!), King might not of have grasped the complete philosophy of racial unity, but perhaps that didn’t matter, what mattered was his commitment and total belief in equality for all. Good book recommendation time – ‘The Autobiography of Martin Luther King, Jr.’ – 0-349-11298-3.

So to remember the next…

Dith Pran (65), died this week from cancer. Dith who? Dith Pran stupid! Dith was the guy (along with Sydney Schanberg), who came to symbolise the struggle against Cambodia’s political foray into Marxism during the seventies. Dith survived, against all the odds, the brutal campaign raged by Pol Pot’s Khmer Rouge.

His three year fight for survival (publicised tirelessly at the time by Schanberg, who's life Dith had saved ensuring his escape at the beginning of the up-rising), was seen by many as the only insight into Cambodia’s forgotten cause. Good film recommendation time –"The Killing Fields" - Complete with an excellent sound track by Mike Oldfield (Coincidentally the phrase ‘Killing Fields’ is attributed to Dith). Although in one of those oddities of 'The Movies', the last scene of the film which sees Dith and Schangberg finally reunited after his escape from Cambodia is played out to 'Imagine' which John Lennon gave his permission to use. So why odd? Well, 'Imagine no possessions, no religion to', this could of been Pol Pot and Rouge's Mantra!

Only the good die young right?

And on a lighter note, I’ve drawn 150-1 shot "Hi Cloy" in the annual office sweep stake for the Grand National. I am conceiving how to spend my winnings as I type, not!

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I Blog there4 I Am

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Steve McQueens a Fag!

The Great Movie Check List...

Kung Fu and Swords Fights - CHECK
Kick-ass girlies dressed in PVC Catsuits being very bad - CHECK
A superlative Sounds Track (Rob Dougan will do very nicely thank you) - CHECK
Guns... Lot's of Guns - CHECK
Absolutely mind blowing Motorbikes stunts - CHECK

Needs Sound

Just thought I'd share :O)

The Stunt woman was Debbie Evans, incredible.

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I Blog There4 I Am

Tuesday, March 11, 2008


‘ello Blog, it’s been a while :o)

Something’s not quite right with my work life balance at the moment, to much work and not enough life balancing. Obviously ‘Life Balance’ translates into balancing my life on or off tarmac on a motorbike (Well I assume that’s where they got the phrase from anyway!), and when you read the latest safety stats for motorbikes you might well be right in interpreting it that way. Apparently, according to the Transport Select Committee, the average number of kilometers traveled by a passenger to be exposed to a one-in-a-million risk of being killed was 6,400 by rail, 400 by car, 29 by pedal cycle, 27 by pedestrian and 10 by two-wheeled motor vehicle (no statistics where available for unicycles, powered or not). Anyways, best not get me started on the Nanny State trying to outlaw everything from motorcycles to scrums in Rugby because they deem them to dangerous for us all to make informed choices on ourselves, tossers!

I digress :O)

Yes, work, lots on, it’s just not cricket! Am I allowed to mention the Cricket? Guess I can, as I’ve already mentioned Rugby. Rugby… Ummm… Bloody England. Sundays supposed treat for me, in between working, was to watch the Six Nations England match, what a sham. Honestly, I’d much prefer to lose but watch less gifted players play that understood they where representing their country and therefore gave it their all. But no, we were subjected to watching the humiliation of the presented squad of complete oxygen thieves, none of which were worthy of gracing the England colours last weekend (A little harsh? Then you didn’t watch the match, truly pathetic). Can you tell I wasn’t impressed? ;o)

Anyways, where was I? Work, oh yes, I’m busy, no honest! :O)

Look two keyboards being used simultaneously! ;O)

So, I’m taking a quick Lunch break, listening to a bit of Kate Bush and wondering how to synchronize communications with developers in England, Pakistan and New Zealand, without one or more suffering from jet lag.

So I hope you’re all cool out there in Blogsphere, sorry if you're one of those that I haven’t answered in my pile of emails worthy of responding to, I will get around to them I promise, but I’m busy you see, a lot of work on ;o)

Ciao Ciao
Confused from Cambridge
I Blog There4 I Am