A Temporary Lapse of Insanity

OK people I'm back :o)

Back after my temporary lapse of insanity, where I'd entered the world of taken life far too seriously :o)

Back to the fifth dimension. A dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. The middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination :o)

OK and I promise never to think about that 'Too Seriously' thing ever again... (Truth be know it frightened me stupid!!!)

But I must just say thanx to a few people, who with their kindness, compassion, love and friendship have got me through my darkest hours. Firstly for those not mentioned below, u know who you are! All your calls, txts, emails etc. illustrated to me how many people out there care about me, that really helped and I really appreciate it people :o)

OK then... 'C' your generosity of spirit will be reward in Heaven (Just a shame your elevators going down ;o) ). Chris Moyles, for knowing when not to talk (and giving me use of your "Shag Pad"). My "Olds" for not understanding but loving and supporting me anyway. My main man Mr.2.Bellies for showing compassion and friendship above and beyond the call of duty when I needed it most (Rememeber dude, Guinness is the only true God :o) ). And lastly special thanks goes to Gemmak for being there for me, you are without a doubt a 24 Karat diamond, (Keep the Faith :o) )...

And if the Japanese Proverb is right "When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends", then I must be really a fantastic guy ;o) Now can anyone lend me a compass? ;o)


Ciao Ciao
Confused from Chichester
I BLOG There4 I am

When Two Realities Collide

Reality, everyone's is different.

When two realities collide... When neither of them can see the others point of view... When they assess everything from their own perspective and can't quite make themselves see or believe that the others motives are also true... When they can only judge eachother from their own experiences...

When two realities collide... When the overload kicks in and the calm guiding light of ones feelings turn to anger, the anger turns to frustration, and its the frustration that stops you seeing the other for who they really are, stops you seeing that really you Love that person and don't want to hurt them...

When two realities Collide... Both Suffer, Love Suffers, but is the friendship still strong enuf to survive, when two realities collide...

When two realities Collide, It's a killer...


Speed me towards death...

Speed me towards death
Cause I just cant wait for her
I want her to come
I want to embrace her
Ive decided its life
That I dont like - that I don't like
Speed me towards death
Cause I think shed go for me
They say time is the killer
I cant wait shes to slow for me
Ive tried all the rest
How I want to try the best
And Id die for some company
Id die for some company

I dont want to die slowly
I dont want to decay
I want to be chosen
I want to be made
I dont want to die lonely and weary of life
I will not be earthbound
Im gonna fly

So speed me towards death
Cause I want her to taste me
You know my senses are dead
I want her to awaken me
Ive realised that this world, at its best
Is just a prelude to the next
And its not one I want to read
Its not one I want to hear

I dont want to die slowly
I dont want to decay
I want to be chosen
I want to be made
I dont want to die lonely and weary of life
I will not be earthbound
Im gonna fly

For life is a game fit only for fools
Its a horse that cant win
In a race rigged to lose

So speed me towards death


Thanx Rob D for keeping me goin those 300 miles and a massive thanx to all the other people that got me 'Home' last night, you know who u are... Without you, hey who knows... Thanx guys...

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester
I BLOG There4 I Am

As I mature...

For your amusement... :o)

As I mature..

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm alone for about fifteen minuets. After that you better be gud in bed.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you've finished.

I've learned that we are all responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned regardless of how hot and steamy the relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester
I BLOG There4 I AM

Thanx Dobby :o)

Would You Like A Nice Game Of Chess?

"If life doesn't offer a game worth playing, then invent a new one." - Anthony J. D'Angelo

Life, sometimes feels like a game, to me a game of chess, we make moves to try and control the path we want to follow, the set plays, the advances, but usually it takes all our strength and determination just to hold the line. There are however two distinct differences between life and games...

Firstly, the opposition. In Life it is you versus the rest of the world, so never under estimate it's ability to beat you, remember there are always people out there bigger and better at playing it than you are...

But more importantly, there are the controls. In games there are rules and for all games like chess they're set and cannot be broken... But for Life, there aren't any fixed rules... We all have to make our own up based on what we think is right, social factors, background, moral integrity etc. But therefore, obviously your opponents are playing with their own Rule Book, rules they've deffined for themselves, learnt from there own experiences of Life which will be different to yours...

So how do we choose which moves to make? How can we think through a strategy if everyone else is playing a virtually different game?

Some people choose not to play at all, settle for a secluded existance, safe hidden behind their own defence, but this isn't really my style. The only way to live is to give up the thinking and purley trust your feelings... Go with what you 'feel' is the right thing to do in your heart... It's impossible to out think everyone, no one can control the game of life...

Some may not understand the moves you make, but they are looking in from their own set of rules. But if you do exactly what you 'feel' is right, win or loose, at the very least you can look back and say you always did what you 'felt' was the best thing to do... What more can you ask of yourself?

Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler, but much less magical.

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester
I BLOG There4 I Am

Solsbury Hill

Sometimes songs lyrics run true, you can transpose the lyrics into your own life, whether or not your own interpretation of them is as the writer intended or not. A good example of this being The Police "Every Breathe you take". This wasnt written as a love song at all, it was a bitter exposure of the Feelings Sting had towards his first wife during there divorce, (Go on play it, listen to it again in that context, I think I gets better when you really know what its about... "Every Vow you break"...)

But the one that's been floating around my mind recently, the song I've interprete into my own life is Peter Gabriel's, Solsbury Hill. Lyrically PG wrote the song to show the stress and uncertainty of a future without his former bandmates, Genisis and twists it into a positive.

Hey, what am I saying? Well it just does something for me at the moment, I can interrupt it into my own life.

"Solsbury Hill"

Climbing up on Solsbury Hill
I could see the city light
Wind was blowing, time stood still
Eagle flew out of the night
He was something to observe
Came in close, I heard a voice
Standing stretching every nerve
Had to listen had no choice
I did not believe the information
(I) just had to trust imagination
My heart going boom boom boom
"Son," he said "Grab your things,
I've come to take you home."

To keep in silence I resigned
My friends would think I was a nut
Turning water into wine
Open doors would soon be shut
So I went from day to day
Tho' my life was in a rut
"Till I thought of what I'd say
Which connection I should cut
I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
My heart going boom boom boom
"Hey" he said "Grab your things
I've come to take you home."
(Back home.)

When illusion spin her net
I'm never where I want to be
And liberty she pirouette
When I think that I am free
Watched by empty silhouettes
Who close their eyes but still can see
No one taught them etiquette
I will show another me
Today I don't need a replacement
I'll tell them what the smile on my face meant
My heart going boom boom boom
"Hey" I said "You can keep my things,
they've come to take me home."

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester
I Blog There4 I Am