So Cool :o)

This is So Cooooooooooooooooooool :o)

Andy Warhol eat your heart out :o)

Thanx Gem :o)(I hate these Smarty Arty types!)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I BLOG There4 I Am

Happy St.Branson Day ?

Ummm.... Only in England could we have a patron Saint who was Turkish... Not only Turkish but in the employ of the Roman Army... He's not only the Patron Saint of England however, no he is the patron saint of Canada, Catalonia, Ethiopia, Georgia, Greece, Montenegro, Portugal, and Serbia to...

Think I might have to put forward a more English patron to the authorities. Not a bad idea I recon, so your suggestions on the back of a post card please people... (I'm thinking Lennon, Scott, Cook or Sutcliffe ;o) )

Mind you this government wouldn't listen to reason anyway, for Christ sake St.George himself would of been arrested today under the 2004 Hunting Act! (Oh that poor dragon!)

OK OK I'll fake patriotism for one moment, Happy St.Georges Day people, but more importantly, happy birthday Dad :o)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I BLOG There4 I Am

Eloisa Photo Shoot...

For Reasons I'm not gonna go into, Eloisa and I ended up having a mini photo shoot this Morning... Anyway's, just thought I'd share a few of the Photos out of the many hundreds taken!

We're both booted, suited and ready to go anywhere! OK I know the Orange bags don't really go with the Dark and Sinister Darth Fletch mystery rider look ;o) (Thanx for that DF!). They're are however 100% weather proof, very important as they contain a tent, sleeping bags and a whole plethora of other essential camping equipment which it is most desirable to keep dry! :o)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I BLOG There4 I Am

Open Heart... (A Girlie Post)

Returning Home - Open Heart

Bit of a Girlie Post, but hey, I liked it... A DailyOm :o)

Spiritual teachers have always pointed to the heart as the seat of consciousness, and recently Western science has found evidence to support this realization. It turns out that the heart has its own central nervous system and is not simply under the rule of the brain as formerly believed. Anyone who has taken the time to explore the heart knows this and, more important, has realized that the heart is the source of our connection to a consciousness greater than the ego. Approaching life with an open heart means that we have opened the door to this greater consciousness, taking up residence alongside it in the seat of our soul. Fortunately, at this time there is a lot of support for this shift energetically as well as practically. To some degree, approaching life with an open heart is as simple as shifting your attention onto your heart.

Eventually you will be able do this any time, any place, but at first it may help to try it in a quiet place where you won't be disturbed. Simply sit with your eyes closed and draw your breath into your heart. As your breath expands your chest cavity, your heart expands and opens. You may feel tenderness or sadness in your heart, and you may also feel relief. Any emotions that arise can be effectively witnessed and healed through the meditation process, which benefits both your physical heart and your energetic heart. The more you practice, the more you will find your heart opening to your own presence and to all the situations your life brings.

When we open our hearts, they may feel tender and vulnerable, which simply means that they need our loving attention as we cleanse and heal them of past hurts and blockages. This process asks us to practice some of the heart's greatest lessons-patience, compassion, and unconditional love. On the other hand, we may take up residence as effortlessly as a bird returns to its nest. Either way, approaching life with an open heart simply means returning to our true home.

Makes you wonder...

And Backwheel... Don't even think about starting!!! ;o)

Ciao Ciao
Confused from Cambridge
I BLOG There4 I Am

The next big thing 'S-Commerce'

A New way of living?

They're calling it 'S-Commerce' or 'Shops' and it's being rolled out in cities and towns nationwide.

"It's a real revelation," according to Malcolm Fosbury, an engineer from Hillingdon. "You just walk into one of these shops and they have all sorts of things for sale."

Fosbury was particularly impressed by a clothes shop he discovered while browsing in central London. "Shops seem to be the ideal medium for transactions of this type. I can actually try out a jacket and see if it fits me. Then I can visualize the way I would look if I was wearing the clothing." This is possible using a high definition 2D viewing system, or "mirror" as it has become known.

Shops, which are frequently aggregated into shopping portals or "high streets", are becoming increasingly popular with the cash-rich time-poor generation of new consumers. Often located in densely populated areas people can find them extremely convenient.

And Malcolm is not alone in being impressed by shops. "Some days I just don't have the time to download huge Flash animations of rotating trainers and then wait five days for them to be delivered in the hope that they will actually fit," says Sandra Bailey, a systems analyst from Chelsea.

"This way I can actually complete the transaction in real time and walk away with the goods."

Being able see whether or not shoes and clothing fit has been a real bonus for Bailey, "I used to spend my evenings boxing up gear to return. Sometimes the clothes didn't fit, sometimes they just sent the wrong stuff." Shops have a compelling commercial story to tell too, according to Gartner Group retail analyst Carl Baker. "There are massive efficiencies in the supply chain. By concentrating distribution to a series of high volume outlets in urban centres-typically close to where people live and work-businesses can make dramatic savings in fulfilment costs. Just compare this with the wasteful practise of delivering items piecemeal to people's homes." Furthermore, allowing consumers to receive goods when they actually want them could mean an end to the frustration of returning home to find a despatch notice telling you that your goods are waiting in a delivery depot the other side of town.

But it's not just the convenience and timesaving that appeals to Fosbury,

"Visiting a shop is real relief for me. I mean as it is I spend all day in front of a fucking computer."

;o)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I BLOG There4 I Am

Stay on Target!

I'm clocking up a fair few miles at the moment, close to 1000 a week, mostly on the Bike, so not surprisingly last week I came across an accident on our busiest of motorways, the M25 (I use the word 'Motorway' loosely, the worlds most expensive car park might be more accurate). Fortunately for me I was on Eloisa when this happened and at the front of queue with a few other fellow bikers, we dismounted and had a quick cigarette and a chat while the Police closed the road to clear the accident.

A very young (probable inexperienced), lady driver had swooped left from the outside lane at the very last second to try to exit on a slip road, I assume she hadn't been concentrating fully and had virtually missed her exit. Unfortunately for her she failed to notice a sixteen wheeler on her nearside, which 'collected' her vehicle, pushing it up the motorway a considerable distance before depositing it against the Armco in the central reservation. (Miraculously, after they cut her out the vehicle she walked away suffering only a little shock, a fitting tribute to modern car safety design, me thinks.)

Anyhows, the accident wasn't what I actually wanted to post about, it was what I was witnessing around me while I waited forty minuets or so for the incident to be cleaned up (Incidentally, I found it most ironic that the Police had to use the Artic Lorry that the woman hit to pull her vehicle off the carriageway to a safe position!).

Well I guess most curiously, I saw people in the waiting queue of traffic behind me get out from the vehicles and start taking photographs of the event, while the woman was still in the vehicle! Am I the only one that finds this just a tad disturbing? What if she'd died? Macabre or what! I couldn't bring myself to say anything to the people taking the shots; I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. Very strange behaviour, especially as I'd always believed I have a sick sense of humour, but this was verging on perverse, people getting gratification from others possible 'Life and Death' situation.

Anyway, that wasn't what I was intending to post about either; it was the massive queue of traffic on the opposite carriageway, the gawpers!

Here's a paradox. We make are driving environments safer by making it more predictable, but then we relax and stop concentrating fully, bad move. Take for instance the 'Rubber-Necking' phenomena I was witnessing (where people looking at accident lose concentration and have an accident themselves), usually this happens on major roads where all unpredictability has been removed, then you add an unexpected outside influence and KerrBang!

For the record, you're most likely to have an accident in a vehicle three seconds after being distracted, in fact over 80% of all accidents and 65% of all 'near misses' are coursed by distraction (sounds obviously doesn't it, so here are the top distractions...)

1) Eating or Drinking
2) An Outside person, object or event (Rubber-necking!)
3) Adjusting your ICE (In Car Entertainment, CD player etc.)
4) Other occupants in the vehicle (Stop that woman!!! ;o) )
5) Moving objects in the vehicle
6) Smoking related (Any excuse to try making me quit ;o))
7) Talking or listening on a mobile phone* (see below)
8) Dialing a mobile phone
9) Using device/object brought into the vehicle (Blackberries etc.)
10) Using a device/object integral to the vehicle (Aircon etc.)

*Worth noting people is that researchers found that it did not matter if the driver was wearing a hands free kit of actually holding the phone, it's equally risky!

Speed doesn't kill... Not concentrating Kills... In fact, studies have shown that higher speed limits have decreased road accidents by creating more space between cars and allowing traffic to flow better. (When the New York State Thruway increased its speed limit from 55 mph to 65 mph in 1995, the death rate went down, mind you American statistics could be conceived as odd at best... This is a country where roundabouts are virtually non-existent and it's illegal to filter on a motorbikes. They haven't really thought this whole traffic flow thing through properly have they!)

So after the incident was cleared I rode off from the front of a massive queue down a deserted motorway, counting three small 'shunts' in the fifteen mile queue that had now gridlocked the opposite carriageway, all coursed by people being distracted and losing concentration. Rubber-necking might we'll be a natural response to an outside influence, but its no excuse to stop thinking about your driving...

So folks, go fast, enjoy yourself but keep concentrating!!! Take plenty of breaks and always; always; always have maximum respect for and give way to; Big Black Motorbikes with lots of lights bearing down on you at a rapid rate of knots ;o)

Ciao Ciao
Confused from Cambridge
I Blog There4 I Am

Maths Tests...

For the unaware, there is a slight difference between private schools and comprehensives in Britain. The Department of Education has realised this and has revised the secondary Maths Exam papers accordingly.

Attached are the most recent maths exam papers for your reference.

MATHS TEST FOR COMPREHENSIVES
Name _____________________________
Nickname__________________________
Gang Name________________________

1. Simon has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Matt for 300 quid and 90 grams to Ollie for 90 quid, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?

2. Damon pimps 3 bitches. If the price is GBP40 a ride, how many jobs per day must each bitch perform to support Damon's GBP500 a day coke habit?

3. Crackster wants to cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for 7,000 quid to make a 20% profit. How many grams of Strychnine will he need?

4. Trev got 6 years for murder. He also got GBP350,000 for the hit. If his common law wife spends GBP33,100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?

Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Trev get for killing the slapper that spent his money?

5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square metres and the average letter is 1 square metre,how many letters can be sprayed with eight fluid ounce cans of spray paint with 20% extra paint free ?

6. Liam steals Jordan's skateboard. As Liam skates away at a speed of 35mph, Jordan loads his brother's Armalite. If it takes Jordan 20 seconds to load the gun, how far will Liam have travelled when he gets whacked?


MATHS TEST FOR PRIVATE SCHOOLS
Name______________________________________________
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________
________________________________________
(If longer please continue on a separate sheet)
School _______________________________________________
Daddy's/Mummy's Company ____________________________

1. Harry smashes up the old man's car, causing x amount of damage and killing 3 people. The old man asks his local Chief Constable to intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment of y. The difference between x and y is three times the life insurance settlement for the three dead people. What kind of car is Harry driving now?

2. Fiona's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Fiona doesn't even notice the difference. Is she thick or what?

3. Tristram fancies the arse off a certain number of debutants, but he only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14 tablets of Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two thirds?

4. If Verity throws up 4 times a day for a week she can fit into a size 8 Versace. If she only throws up 3 times a day for two weeks, she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce & Gabbana. How much does liposuction cost?

5. Henry is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners. However he only has access to the Hoover every third week. When will he stand for parliament?

Well I thought they were funny :o)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I BLOG There4 I Am

Eloisa - The 'Africa' Twin!

Someone recently accused me of riding an 'Old Mans' motorbike...(This is a chap that Drives a Honda FFS!)

Anyhows, here young MC is my Retort...




Eloisa - The XRV750 Africa Twin (There is a subtle hint in the word 'Africa' as to her pedigree), won the Paris Dakar Rallye three years in succession...

This I can assure you is no small achievement... The 'Dakar' is the worlds most demanding Enduro (2000+ miles and some B'stards put the Sarah desert in the middle!) race, both on man and machine...? Check out the Video...

Needs sound...

Conclusion... Well if they're what you call 'Old Mans' bikes, I'd hate to see what you think the Kids are riding... ;o)

(Ohhh... And if you don't think that was an awesome Vid. your dead from the neck down! Tarmac is for Pussys!!!)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge
I BLOG There4 I Am

Living it up... Under Canvas

The new Tent has been Ordered... :o)

What? Well I'm excited, it's taken me months to research and source the best possible option! OK I'm sounding really sad now aren't I? But the problem is finding a lightweight, reliable, robust four season tent isn't as easy as you might think. It's not quite a case of nipping down to Millets, they don't stock expedition quality canvas that's suitable for use in the Himalaya and equally at home in a Rain Forest...!


OK so in the interest of your sanity I won't bore you with the details, but trust me here, it is the Dogs Dangly Bits :o) [Its a Hilleberg Nallo GT 3, for those of you that might want to fake some remote interest :o) )

Can you tell I'm pretty excited... :o)

June brings a test run at the Horizons Unlimited (Hardcore Motorcycle Adventurers!!!), meet in Derbyshire for a long weekend (These Boys and Girls are a right bunch of Nutter, having competitions to see who can come up with the best 'Road Kill' recipes and alike, 'Eat What Hits You'!).

And in August, in pencil/fag packet format at the moment is planned is a 16 Day little tour around Europe on Eloisa... [France, Belgium, Lux, Germany, Austria, Italy, Switzerland]... Hey, if your gonna test a tent, might as well do it in the Alps :O)


Well all... Happy 'Jesus is better; it seems he really wasn't that poorly after all!' celebrations people, have a good long weekend and don't eat to much chocolate :O)

Ciao Ciao
Confused from Cambridge
I BLOG There4 I Am