Pissed and Pissed Off Snobs

The weekend is upon us...

The twilight of an extremely pleasant warm August day has drawn in. Good company has been arranged for the evenings soiree at a new local restaurant. The anticipation of a chilled evening with good friends, good food and maybe a few bottles of Rioja to help conversation flow was intoxicating. The scene is set...

After the four of us converged in our local tavern [Oh... congrats. to Steve the Barleyman on becoming a father], and after I'd taken an unduly large amount of verbal abuse for wearing a Jacket [it being one of those very rare occasions when I wasn't adorned in trainers, combats, a hoody and a baseball cap, as I was informed that the restaurant was apparently going to be genteel place, called as it was 'Snobs'... ], we set off for some tucker...

Now, I'd never been to this particular eatery, as obviously, as in almost every case, the men had left the girlies to organise our lives; make all the necessary arrangements, scope the joint out and make the reservation [Obviously their choice of restuarant was directly influenced by the fact they played 'smooth' jazz and not at all prejudiced by the fact the waiter was slightly 'dishy' and more importantly the fact he'd assured them both, copious quantities of 'calorie free' but most scrumtious Chocolate puddings would be available].

We entered... 'No Problem... No Problem...' The 'Half-Cut' waitress thinly disguised as a wino at the bar mumbled. She then proceded to ejected a young couple who'd previously been enjoying a romantic moment from the table instantaneously selected for us upon our mentioning the word 'reservation' [This must be how Tom Cruise feels; 'VIP, VIP, you, you and you can just fcuk off...']. They were sent to the darkest bowels of the restaurant complete with a makeshift breakfast bar and high chairs. We'd condemned two young lovers to purgatory.

The situation was not looking good, and brought to light the first torrent of a seemingly endless list of problems with the place...

• The Dishy waiter didn't seem to be working [Sighs from the babes, though in fairness he hadn't promised he would be].
• We'd reserved a Window Seat; our table was Glazily challenged! [Though on the up-side it did have an excellent view of the intoxicated staff, rambling on with their drinking buddies].
• There was No Smooth Jazz.. Live or Recorded [No Robbie 'No Talent' Williams doesn't count!].
• But most seriously at this point, the girls had noticed there was nothing chocolaty on the sweet menu [a most heanus crime, 'NO' ice-cream doesn't count !].

But on the upside, the menu [if u exclude the sweet list], did look very good, simple, maybe a bit small, but all the same, good, with a vast range of Fishy dishes [with only a single 'Token' Vegetarian dish on offer, which in my opinion is a very good thing, why should they spoil everyone else's enjoyment of food by taking up valuable menu space up with 'Nut Roasts' and 'Veggie Lasagna' etc...].

But alas this good vibe couldn't last. After only being shortly happied by the fact I could have fresh oysters or a clam chowder for starters, the drinks arrived. 'Warm Canned Guinness'!!! Now to be honest here I'm not the biggest fan of the Irish, but there are two things they do without equal... Whisky and Stout... They've spent nearly 250 years perfecting it, and I'm positive Arthur Guinness would not of recognised what this barman had just managed to offer me up ... 'kin appalling... :-(

Should we stay or should we go... This place was beginning to seem just a little frightening... The divisions within the group were partly healed when we spied the quality of the food being delivered to other tables. It looked good, it looked fresh and the deciding factor, the chips where home made and the portions we're big :-) OK Lets order... :-)

We managed to successfully negotiate ordering the starters, the waiter taking a few minutes to check the Clam Chowder I'd ordered did exist on the menu, ['I didnt know we did that'... 'Nothing like a little bit of product knowledge'], when our whole plan for an enjoyable, intoxicated, consumpsious, relaxed evening was foiled, the whole Karma was shattered...

A person we assumed to be the Chef/Owner ascended from the kitchens and declared with a loud, slurred and somewhat impassive tones, 'That's it, I don't know why I bother, who need customers anyway, the restaurant is closed'..... Jesus this guy was pissed off... pissed and pissed off... 'Mummble mummble mummble, why do I bother'... Wiping our Menu Board Clean!

What was goin on? What had happened? I was prepared to put good money on the young lovers sent to purgatory. They'd sold there soul's to Beelzebub in exchange for the excruiciatingly slow and painful death of the owner and his staff for the embarrassment caused earlier due to the team's total lack of customer service skills... had the slaughter begun?

But alas, nothing as amusing. Someone, out-of-sight had made what we believe to be a complaint about the food... At this point, I wasn't really surprised... and just a little thankful for the escape option being presented to us.

As it was quite obvious all the staff just wanted to stop work and try extremely hard to get even more intoxicated, we decided to vacate... quickly... Which was the best decision we'd made all evening... minutes later we stumbled upon a fantastic new Thai Restaurant, excellent ambience, excellent food, excellent service... Top Result...

So if you ever find yourself in hungry in Bognor Regis, avoid Snobs Bistro like the plague, instead visit the new Thai just around the corner on the sea front. [Tuptim Thai]

And a message to all those at Snobs. Perhaps take the McDonalds customer service course, a little of something is better than nothing at all, and you never know, you might find a secret penchant for non alcoholic Milk Shakes.

I will not be returning until you've gone bust, which I sense can't be that far off.

Ciao Ciao [would you like fries with that?]

Confused from Chichester

I BLOG there4 I am