Close your Eyes and Tap your Heels 3 Times!

I've recently been inducted into another world... The world of the fifth dimension! It's a dimension as vast as my credit card limits and as timeless as infinity. It's the middle ground between work and sleep, between science and a Haynes Manual, and it lies between the pit of my fears and the summit of my very limited knowledge. This is the dimension of grease and bruised knuckles. It's the area called the "Oily Zone"... OZ!

Question...? How is possible to make what would seemingly appear a very simple two hour task take fifteen hours to complete? Options:

a) Ask an accountant for something extremely straightforward
or
b) Give me some tools and ask me to service my motorbike

Well, when I say tools I mean after numerous trips to Halfrauds to buy the correct items needed to start the process. It does appear that my previous life philosophy; "the only tool a man could possibly need in his entire life is a big trusty Hammer" isn't quite applicable for motorbike maintenance (a whole plethora of smaller hammers are also required!).

Yep, as the master plan is to take Eloisa round the world, there is a necessity for me to learn how to service her and keep her all ship shape and Bristol fashion during the voyage (apparently there are a distinct lack of Honda motorcycle dealers anywhere in Tibet or Nepal etc. to do it for me). This is something that those who know me will share my trepidation at. Prior to this, the extremes of my personal mechanical skills stretched to adding screen wash to the car, or very occasionally; twice to my recollection; toping up the oil (I usually spend at least ten minuets trying to remember where the bloody boot release lever is!). And now I have to learn how to strip down, service and rebuild a motorbike, and yes I am just a little apprehensive.

Now obviously to start with a certain degree of research is required, a bit like reading a Lonely Planet before entering a strange country, or swotting up on useful foreign phrases, I had to start by learning the correct terminology for various parts ("sticky out bit" isn't in the Haynes manual index anywhere, I know; I checked!), so to start my induction into 'OZ' the Microfesh's for Eloisa were downloaded. These have lots of numbered pretty pictures and a full index, so even I can just about manage to identify parts correctly. This is useful as I've found actually knowing what something is really called and roughly where it is located is of great benefit when reading the service manual, and it has the added bonus of allowing me to buy replacement parts without appearing like a complete buffoon.

And I must add, walking into a motorcycle dealer and quoting a correct part number does add a certain amount of Kudos to the cultivation of my new hardened biker image, well as long as they don't ask any questions back that is.

"Do you want the short armed coated Teflon super duper Tri Axe or the Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah one?"
"Ohhh you choose" (My attempt to Blag it!)
"Well that all depends on what Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah your running because it won't fit otherwise!"
"Ummmm..." (End of Blag, I'm now completely Buggered!)

After acquiring all the parts required for the mini service, which incidentally took weeks to arrive, as one nameless online supplier obviously decided it would be amusing to despatch my very small order in four separate staggered deliveries spaced days apart in a malicious attempt purely to piss me off (OK OK the supplier was WeMoto), it was time to devote a whole Saturday to the task in hand. And so with enthusiasm, naivety and disposable surgical gloves on hand I commenced. (Yes I need Gloves! Oil!!! Ahhh... I'm melting, I'm melting!!!)

Now, I'm not going to bore anyone further with the greasy OZ details, but needless to say my baptism didn't all go to plan! The Haynes manual grades each tasks level of difficulty with one to five spanners, one being easy peasy. I attempted a few one spanner jobs and a couple of two's. Well that was until a one spanner job went horrifically wrong and I had undertake a ten spanner job to try and recify it.. (OK so it was only a three spanners fix but it felt like a ten spanner!).

After hours and hours of cussing, bloodied limbs and frustration the jobs I chosen to undertake eventually came to fruition and the ultimate test of how well I'd understood just what I was doing had arrived, would Eloisa restart? A tall order I believed, as at one point most of the bikes fuel system and radiators were scattered around the garage in various piles! So with baited breath the moment of truth was here...

Yippee, she fired up on her first attempt... :o)))

And even more impressively, as well as not having any bolts, bits or screws left over after completing the reassembly, but also her performance has increased and she running a lot smoother... Releaf, and after a week not being able to ride her, a good long hard fast ride was required :o)

Ohhh... Big thanx to all the Guys and Girls at the XRV.ORG for holding my hand throughout, thanx :o)

I don't think I'm in Kansas anymore!

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester
I BLOG There4 I Am