Footy Humour

As you may or may not know, for various reasons (Here), I'm supporting Brazil in the Football World Cup, so this particular tale I found very amusing :o)

......

It is just before England v Brazil in the World Cup Semi final.

Ronaldino goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.

"What's up?" he asks.

"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only England. They're rubbish and we can't be bothered".

Ronaldino looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub."

So Ronaldino goes out to play England by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars.

After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Brazil 1 - England 0 (Ronaldino 10 minutes)". He is beating England all by himself!

Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on". They put the teletext on.

"Result from the Stadium "Brazil 1 (Ronaldino 10 minutes) - England 1 (Crouch 89 minutes)".

They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against England!!

They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate Ronaldino. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands.

He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down." "Don't be daft, you got a draw against England, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!"

"No, No, I have, I've let you down... I got sent off after 12 minutes"

......

:o) Hehehe

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester
I BLOG There4 I Am

Hi honey I'm home...

OK I'm back :o) Did you miss me ;o)

So I guess you want the holiday update then do ya? OK, I was more than pleasantly surprised with Andalucia. If you manage to avoid the likes of Malaga and Torremolinos and escape into the mountains, the heart of the region or find some sleepy; still yet to be over developed fishing villages, then some quit stunning locations can still be found, some places that you feel reflect the true Spain, rather than just the more common Brits-Abroad Bastardisation.

Based just outside the Sierra de Enmedio mountains north of Nerja, (again another more than surprising quaint town on the Coast), the location was lovely, overlooking the Med. and the cool moist mountain breeze was useful to quench the 40+ degree heat, the perfect location to lie back, chill and do absolutely nothing.

OK, so maybe a little more than nothing, the usual holiday occupations of Sun, Sea, Surf, and Sangria (OK more San Miguel :o) ), where partaken in, but a more than generous proportion of time was spent, 'Doing the Sights' a visit to Cordoba (Spain's old Moorish Capital) and the one of Andalucía's more interesting National Parks, the Torcal de Antequera, a unique geological mountain landscape. These were the quests mid week to break up the monotony of having to do nothing but eat, drink and try to keep cool.

I loved Cordoba. Steeped in history dating back to the original Roman settlement (from 150BC), the Architecture of the Mezquita (The Cathedral and historic Mosque of the City, probably the foremost monument to Islam in the West, sublime and the grandest most beautiful building constructed by the Moors), to the warren of small back streets in the old quarter; impossible to navigate but intriguing never the less. The city at night after the hoards of day trippers had left had a far more chilled vibe, with the locals coming out to play in the plethora of Gardens, Squares and Plaza's, just chilling out until the small hours drinking coffee and socialising. Very relaxing, very cosmopolitan, very cool.




So there you about have it. I could obviously whinge about the lack of staff at Malaga's airport and the ungodly length of time it took to check-in but that wouldn't be a reflection of the break as a whole. (It was a Noon check-in, stupid me for forgetting all about Siestas!!! ;o) ) A most relaxing time was had :o)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester
I BLOG There4 I Am

Laters You Lot :o)

OK it's that time of the year again... Holiday Time (That's a Vacation to you lot over the pond!)

Yippee... :o) Off tomorrow for a week in the Andalusian Sun with me Camera :o) (OK with a couple of books and a portable DVD player to catch up on some Movies Ive been meaning to watch recently but haven't got around to yet... :o) ) Its chill time :o)

But first the Joys of packing... How to get everything for a week away into my laptop rucksack! (Hand luggage only on this trip) Ummm... I know, leave my Lappy behind!!! (Hey, I'm not gonna have any 3G service anyway so why bother takin it :o)) Sorted, 2 pairs of shorts, 3 T's, shades and resolve :o)... More space taken up with the Sun Block essentials and DVD's than by clothing... !!!

So I'm outta here :o)

Ciao Ciao (Back on the 26th)
Confused from Chichester
I BLOG There4 I Am

HEALTH... Question & Answer Session

A little Health advice for you all in this mad mad world of mis-information ;o)

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Cheers!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Guinness in one hand - cigarette in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"

Thanx Matt :o)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester
I BLOG There4 I Am

Heartbeats

You know when you hear a tune and you think to yourself, "Oh I really must get that", but then you forget? Well that's happened to me a lot recently with the same song over and over. In fact this particular tune has been played to me every time I've visited the cinema recently, it's the background music for the Sony Bravia advert and it was a pure accident after forgetting about it again that I managed to acquire it. (It was on 'The Bands 06' compilation album).

Jose Gonzalez, Heartbeats, awesome accustic track, (40 Second sample MP3 here)

Lyrics -

one night to be confused
one night to speed up truth
we had a promise made
four hands and then away

both under influense
we had devine scent
to know what to say
mind is a razorblade

to call for hands of above
to lean on
wouldn't be good enough
for me, no

one night of magic rush
the start a simple touch
one night to push and scream
and then releaf

ten days of perfect tunes
the colors red and blue
we had a promise made
we were in love

to call for hands of above
to lean on
wouldn't be good enough
for me, no

to call for hands of above
to lean on
wouldn't be good enough

and you, you knew the hands of the devil
and you, kept us awake with wolf teeths
sharing different heartbeats
in one night

to call for hands of above
to lean on
wouldn't be good enough
for me, no

to call for hands of above
to lean on
wouldn't be good enough
for me, no

Now I really must go and purchase the Album :o)

Ciao Ciao
Confused from Chichester
I BLOG There4 I Am

2 Kings 17:25

I know I shouldn't of, but this article made me chuckle so so much :o)

Lion Kills Man in Kiev

A Prize will be award by myself for the most sardonic comment ;o)

Ciao Ciao
Confused from Chichester
I BLOG There4 I Am

Cash is King...

And so it begins... The Bloody World Cup :o(

Jesus I hate Football... Why? Because it is unashamedly no longer a sport.

Don't believe me? OK next time you speak to a football fan, ask him why he likes the game? His reply will be along the lines of "I know its all about money, but I just Love football"... Ummm... Seems like a sensible answer, until you ask them, "OK so you love football, so why do you feel the need to support a national team? When was the last time you supported your local town club? Surely if you loved the game you'd get more pride from supporting them than you would any of the major national conglomerates, and at least you might be able to actually get to see the game live?"

There arguments evaporates because its not about football at all, its tribal, it's so we can "Belong". It seems to be almost religious; it's replaced visiting DIY stores at the weekend as the male thing to do ;o) It feeds on peoples needs to fit in and cultivates there insecurities, and in the process rapes them of hard earned cash to sustaining massively over paid Prima Donna's, television empires and shareholders... It's all Bollox, it's not a game, it's a Buisness, nothing more.

But the World Cup, now that really hacks me off even more than football usually does... It's the sudden almost hysterical nationalism thats sweeping across the country. FFS what's that all about? In a recent survey only 25% of English people asked actually knew what day of the year St.Georges Day was on (April 23rd ;o) )... That's meant to be the English National Day!!!

So where oh where has this sudden influx of patriotism appeared from? Call me cynical, but it wouldn't be the media whipping up a right furriery would it, all in the name of "Being Proud To Be English"? Of course not, it's all about selling as many newspapers and as much Tacky 'English' memorabilia as possible, just a bit more capitalism, at the expense of the average guy.

But in what seems like a very welcome ironic twist of fate, in the office Sweepstake I've picked Brazil (Odds on favourite to win)... So it would appear the guy that loathes football the most, might benefit from the whole debacle! (I'm really considering buy a Brazil Flag for the Car :o) )

Have a good weekend folks :o)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester
I BLOG There4 I Am

We are Jigsaw Pieces

Just a thought... Life is a Jigsaw.

We all start by turning the box out, empting the pieces. Probably the next step is to find the corner pieces and the edges. But after that manoeuvre, the way we assemble the rest will be in a completely different order to everyone else as we try to complete the puzzle.

There is no wrong or right way to finish it, it all depends in what order the pieces were emptied from the box, and then if at all we had the same puzzle to begin with. Some may have fewer pieces, some more, and maybe some have pieces missing. The important thing to remember is we all construct the puzzle differently, not wrongly.

We are all just finding the solution to the enigma. And while we're finding the solution for ourselves, sometimes we fail to realise we are also just pieces in other peoples puzzle also. We might get twisted, turned, and cudgelled into places we don't belong, taken out and put back in, but ultimately somewhere in the Jigsaw is where we truly belong...

We are Jigsaw Pieces, as I said, just a thought.

Ciao Ciao
Confused from Chichester
I BLOG There4 I Am

Today I am mostly listening to...

Jeff Buckley's, Hallelujah...

Eeecckkk I here you all cry, Fletch has suddenly contracted that most dangerous and hallucinogenic of diseases, religion! No! I'm very glad to confirm that I'm still the worlds greatest reborn again nihilist* :o)

Hal-le-lu-jah : interj : Used to express praise or Joy

My Interruption of the song is purely about the Joy and Pain of Love (isn't that a book? ;o) ). Played on a single acoustic guitar, with a simple catchy riff, the song itself is just so so provocative...

Lyrics...

Well I heard there was a secret chord
that David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
Well it goes like this:
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Well Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and i've walked this floor,
you know, I used to live alone before I knew you
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do you
But remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Maybe there is a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Now call me soft, call me sentimental, but those lyrics are just fantastic :o)

(Though I'm sure the 'Happy Clappy' God Squad lot will have adopted them somehow and Bastardized them for their own purposes... Do I sound bitter about that? If so, its because I am! They stole one of my all time favorite songs, The Beloved - Deliver Me, and turned it from a fantastic romantic love song into a 'Praise the Lord' Anthem, kinda ruined it for me after I found that out...)

Anyways, Jeff Buckley here...

Have a good weekend folks :o)

Ciao Caio
Confused from Chichester
I BLOG There4 I Am

* Definition of nihilist (noun)
An advocate of the doctrine that nothing either exists or can be known

Fear Sucks!

Recent events that a good friend of mine is going through in her life have reminded me just how difficult and testing this voyage can be for us all at times.

Sometimes we all get caught in the 'comfort' trap, where usually only the fear of the unknown stops us from facing the true facts of our situation, we know we have to act, we know inside what the right thing to do is, but 'Fear' alone is the static that drowns out our true inner voice.

So I offer this post to her so she knows shes not alone, and hopefully, maybe just to provide a little validation for the enormous life changing decisions shes made.

Everyone is trying to find their own way through life, there are no right or wrong ways to turn, there is no pre-destined direction, all we have to guide us is what we believe and feel inside to be the right thing to do. To conquer our own fears is the beginning of living a true life, it's the beginning of wisdom.

So my good friend, I am extremely proud of you, it is by far the hardest of life's challenges to gaze at our fears squarely in the eyes, stand tall and stare them down... And I hope you are proud of yourself to, big...

Marie Curie - "Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood".

Keep the faith babe... HYYK... :o)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester
I BLOG There4 I am