Super Cynical Me :-)

Its official... I am the worst Blogger In the world... Sorry people, I never meant to ignore you all... [Both of you! ;-)]

OK, so what's been going down recently? Umm... A lot of work stuff and some 'Chilling' at Home with RB :-)

So I thought I'd just make a few observations about the film "Super Size Me" as I managed to catch Morgan Spurlock's offering this weekend, and yes I did find it very compelling watching... [I know it's been out years, but I'm a busy Guy!]

Right then, the soon to be largest form of preventable death (above smoking), in the US is going to be obesity. And apparently, if my understanding of the general argument of the film was correct, the biggest cause of obesity in the US is because 'Ronald MacDonald' is not putting nutritional 'Labels' on his Burgers.

Umm... This sound odd to you? Surely the average person that weighs in at 40stone and that can't quite manage the simplest of link between eating a couple of 'Double Quarter Pounders with Cheese, Super Size Fries and a Quart of Coke' every day, to their apparent weight problem isn't really going to be 'bright' enough to able to read any label you put on it anyway! Let alone decipher the difference between Saturates, Mono-Unsaturates and Polyunsaturates :-/

Oh and then there is the diabetes 'epidemic' caused by some people drinking 2 gallons of Soda a Day... 16 Pints of Coke, each day, FFS! I can't even manage that in Guinness, and I like Guinness!!! Now call me cynical here, but wouldn't the fact that both Coke and Pepsi are widely available in a 'Diet' varieties kind of give the game away to you that maybe this drink contains an incy wincey amount of Sugar? (Also available is caffeine free!)

Attacking MacDonald's for producing a cheap food 'substitute' for the masses is just a nonsense.

This is just the American culture of Blaming (and attempting to sue!), everyone else for individuals inability to take a reasonable interest in their own lives, the inability to take responsibilty for their own actions and the inability to accept they might have a slight responsibility to themselves, maybe to ask themselves every once in a while, "Shit, I'm a 40stone fat person, maybe I'm not eating as well as I should be!"... [Very non-PC sorry ;-)]

Or maybe the Blame lies with the social system that doesn't afford the people a healthier option? (Surely its no coincidence the majority of obesity found in the US is in poorer classes who can't afford 5 fresh vegetable portions a day!).

Either way, after all is said and done, you pays your money, you takes your choice... [I had a Quarter Pounder with cheese meal at Lunchtime and it was Scrummy :-) ]

Ciao Caio
Confused from Chichester

I BLOG There4 I am

Putt's Law

Food for thought...

"Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand."

Ummm...

Good Night World... (I'm Frenchy free, Yippee :-) )

Ciao Caio
Confused From Cambridge

I BLOG There4 I Am

I'm knackered

I am having to stay over an extra night in Cambridge, which as you may well of concluded from my previous BLOG's has its draw backs. [I hate Cambridge and then what's infinitely worse is I hate Hotel Life, no matter how nice the Hotel, it still isn't home].

There is a slight chink of a silver in the lining though, however faint. The upside to having to re-check-in this evening is that I get a different room. This is a good thing, the last two nights I've been kept awake until the early hours (2.30AM), by the 'Swiss Family Robinson' running around and causing havoc in the family room directly above me! OK, so they were not actually Swiss, they were French, but what the heck, they haven't got any jet lag excuses either way, Little Bastards!!!

[Just a note, Cambridge is a fcuking expensive place, combined with the fact that there is very limited accommodation available, hotels know they've got you over a barrel when it comes to room prices. EG. my 'New Usual' hotel charged me an additional 10% on the price of an even smaller room tonight, due to, in their words 'Limited availability'. Don't you just hate being fleeced, even if you're not paying!]

So that's the reason I'm knackered, no sleep due to a small village of French people re-enacting the 'Battle of Waterloo' or alike until the early hours. Oh, and there's the addition fact I'm having to work for a living at the moment, which is exhausting! [Just trying to justify to the Governor why he's just bought me a new motor there ;-) ].

And this evening, here I am once more, in the 'Slug and Lettuce'. Mission, Guinness [with Whisky chasers], to get a little wobbly to put me straight off to sleep tonight. Or as the present 'Nanny' government would put it, out 'Binge' drinking! [Don't you just hate that? being 'criminalised' not because what you have done, but what you could do!].

And on the menu tonight is 'Mixed Grilled Skewers' - A mixed selection of freshly prepared grilled stuff, on skewers! Sound like I might need to be 'Binged to eat it.

Ciao Ciao then, I'm eating soon, then it's time to start a fight, smash a few shop windows and mug some innocent passers by.

Confused from Chichester

I Blog There4 I Am

I'm Fuming

OK let's pretend...

Let's pretend you've just bought yourself a nice new shiny car...
Let's pretend it's the make and model you've always wanted...
Let's pretend you've had to save your hard earned taxed cash for ages to be able to afford it...

OK...

Now let's imagine that the Government passes a law which makes it a criminal offence to drive the Vehicle!

It's OK, they've based there decision on good sound scientific fact, running the vehicle is killing you and everyone around you from pollution. [OK after some legislative pressure they have relented and allowed you to have a little fun with your purchase on your own premises or in selected specialist areas, race tracks etc.]

But they still haven't got any problems taking all the proceeds of the tax dollars you paid for the vehicle and fuel, from what is one of the most heavily Tax possessions you will ever own. [In the UK excise duty of petrol alone is over 50%]

It just wouldn't happen would it? Surely no-government could be so stupid as not to see the irony of banning us from using a product on the grounds that it is harmful, but not outlawing it because it generates a vast amount of Tax dollars for them!

Right... No wrong...

Today the British government reached agreement on draft legislation to ban smoking from all Public places, based on good scientific research that has proved that smoking kills.

So lets see... they've taken a vast amount of cash in Tax revenue [approximately 10,000,000,000 pounds sterling a year...], but now tell the people who have bought the product they are restricted to where they can use it!

Is it just me, doesn't this seem rather odd? If it's harmful and you really have all our best interests at heart, why not just ban it altogether?

Ludicrous...

Oh, but just in case you were worried weather or not you would still be allowed to smoke your Big Cigars in the Private Gentleman's Clubs [Boodles, Brooks or Whites on St.James Street], with the rest of your MP crones after a hard day in the Commons, then don't worry yourself. Although the legislation applies to all Pubs in the UK, private clubs are excluded! Here

Ciao Ciao
Confused from Chichester

I BLOG There4 I am

Cambridge Encore

Yep it happened, as it always does for me... I counted my Chickens before they hatched! I'm back in Cambridge for three days :-/

Yes I know who cares... The only question you're asking yourselves is whether or not I stopped at the Birchanger Services and which Toilets did I used? Well I did stop and yes I did remember that the Men's were located where the Ladies should be. I managed a relaxing Pee without being screamed at thanks :-)

Right back to Cambridge. Due to personnel problems beyond my control I'm here, doing stuff I don't really think I was meant to, but to achieve finality with current project, a mans got to do... Oh and I guess this is what I get paid for.

Anyway, I'd just like to take this opportunity to stick two fingers high in the sky and wave them vigorously at my 'X'-usual hotel, who in there infinite wisdom have banned laptops, cell phones and smoking from the bar. I'm sitting here in your replacement abode, enjoying a quick beer, smoking, texting and blogging simultaneously, so Fcuk You :-) [Oh and it's a nicer room with 'Wheat Germ Extract' shower Gell!]

Yippee :-) Hopefully I may now see Cambridge in a different light now [I doubt it, but hey :-) ].


Ciao Ciao
Confused from Chichester

I BLOG There4 I Am

Dont You Just Hate That?

At the fag kiosk at Sainsbury's for some smokes and a Sarny... Big Queue, maybe seven or eight people in front of me, [obviously there was only one checkout in operation!], estimated time until wallet was required, 10 minuets. [After all the old codgers had bought their Scratch Cards and whinged repeatedly about the price of everything... 'I remember the days when you could buy'... 'Oh just shut the fcuk up and pay the woman!' Actually, not fair... You never see old people buying Cigarettes :-/ ]

Anyway, what really riled me today... This 'Dim Witted' woman three people ahead of me... She's queued forever with the rest of us and then asked for twenty 'SuperKings', fair enough. But then she proceeded to spend the next millennium counting out all the 'shrapnel' from her purse to the exact amount!!! WTF... You've just spent ten minuets in a queue, the price has been on display right in front of you, why didn't you do that while you waited woman!!! [And if anyone tells me woman can multi-task better than guys ever again!!!!]

Oh and to top it off. Some over dressed posh bint was promoting the 'Daily Telegraph' in store by offering out free copies to everyone that past her by, including me... 'Do I really look like a member of the Young Conservatives after a broad sheet copy of 'Mein Kampf' to steal policy ideas from? No I don't want it!'

Stressed... stressed... Moi !!! ;-)

Need Guinness... Handy becasue the Pub is exactly where I am heading right now! :-)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester

I BLOG There4 I Am

Realisation !

I've just bought a Microsoft Buisness Solution for the Company... MBS Navision... [Or 'NOvision' as it's being dubbed in-house...]

And now a friend sends me this link.... THIS LINK [Needs Sound!!!]

So I did a little digging around and found another site.... HERE!!!

WTF!!! This is Steve Ballmer, the CEO of Microshaft FFS!!! This is the Guy we as an organisation have just invested in, massively!!!

Oh NOooo... Mummy I'm scared... I miss my Penguins... :-( Help !!!

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester

I BLOG There4 I Am

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday... To?

Yes it's a good friend of mines Birthday today, unfortunately though I am not allowed to name this person on my Blog.

Protecting his real identity [as we all do online of sorts], is paramount, but unfortunately it seems that some people out there in cyber-land who wish to persecute this man, may well be able to recognise his identity from pseudonyms I've previously used...

FFS People... It's not his fault, leave him alone people, he's a good man... Is it his fault he looks like that? No!

Anyway, Happy Birthday Salman... :-)

Ciao Caio
Confused From Chichester

I BLOG There4 I Am

Bemmers Last Chance

OK Folks here it is... You have only 4 days left to download BMW's promotional 'The Hire' films before they're taken off-line for good :-(

For those of you not familar with the 'The Hire' firstly I better mention its 'FREE', which I know will make you all happy. [OK Free after u've given them your email addy.. But Hey, I guess I can live with SPAM from BMW ;-)]

It stars Clive Owen as a mysterious BMW driver just driving around doing car stuff. They won WIRED magazine's 2001 'Best Excuse for Broadband' award and in 2002 John Woo's episode, 'Hostage' won the Los Angeles International Short Film Festivals 'Best Action Short' award to... :-)

If you haven't got Broadband its gonna be painful... 100MEG... But take a look here :-)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester

I BLOG There4 I Am

SIS(Admin?) Jobs

Want a job where you are not allowed to take your work home with you?

Here you go !

It's hard to beleive that offically less the ten years ago the government wouldn't actually confirm the existence of '6', and now they've got there own Web Site!

[Oh... the Arabic version is here Osama ;-)]

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester

I BLOG There4 I Am

Unisex Services

Motorway Services, don't they all just look the same?

'Birchanger Green - Welcome Break' motorway services on the M11 is identical to any other 'Welcome Break' outlet. Same overpriced emergency Fag shop; same pulp fast food outlets; same sad looking sales reps sitting in the corners drinking coffee from paper cups, looking half dead from 20 Hamlet Cigars a day...

Everything at 'Birchanger Green' is the same as any other services... apart from one thing...

The Ladies Toilets are where the Mens should be!!!! [You are way ahead of me here aren't you... ;-) ]

Well FFS the sign was to high and I didn't see it ! Is this some kind of 'in' Architects Joke!

Anyway, Sorry Girls :-)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester

I BLOG There4 I Am

Happy Home

'Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam
Where the deer and the antelope play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudy all day
Home, home on the range'

:-)

What buffalo !!! ;-)

Ciao Ciao
Confused from Chichester

I BLOG There4 I Am

Last Tango in Cambridge

Last Night away in Cambridge... YIPPEE !!!
(That's Cambridge England as opposed to Cambridge Massachusetts)

OK anyone who lives in, or likes Cambridge England should look away...... Now !

Just for the record I want it clearly noted that I really; really; really totally Loath Cambridge, a LOT!

I am afraid the place has got to me and just the actual thought of the place seems to makes me feel depressed. I know I've posted about it before but I am truly disheartened.

OK, some of my distain might just be down to the fact that I'm away from home, missing RB and friends... [Oh and its Thursday Night! I'm up here and the 'Posse' are all out doing Beer and Curry without me, B'stards!!! I hope they all choke on their Porky Scratching and suffer in the morning from the after affects of a dodgy Vindaloo!!! Incidentally, I had a strange Tarka Dahl the other night, instead of using Lentils, they'd used real Otter! ;-)]

Cambridge... I'm desperately trying to think of a clever synonym or phrase to sum it up, but I can't, so I'll rely on a course one instead... 'The Place is just so stuck up it's own arse it's totally unbelievable'... I'll give you an example...

The Hotel I've been staying is right in the centre of Cambridge. It's just your average overpriced abode, nothing special, but not a doss. Its there to provide a service to its cliental, which I assume on the whole, during the week anyway are mostly businessmen. But this is Cambridge, so here they believe it to be perfectly reasonable for reasons unfathomable to any 'Outsider' to 'Ban' the use of Laptops or Cell Phones in the bar and restaurant... [Not to mention the fact as from next week there banning smoking to!]. 'We can however provide you with office/conference facilities if you require them!!! '

Can u imagine...

'Oh sorry Boss, I couldn't take yor call because I was having a bit of dinner and I didn't know you were having server problems tonight, obviously if I had known this before I would of booked the Hotel Conference room tonight!' - FCUK OFF !!!

Or lets take it to it's extreme...

'My dear old Granny got rushed into hosiptal last night, I found out very late in the evening because I wasn't allowed to take calls in the Bar, so I switched my mobile phone off. Shame because if I had got the called I might have had time of rush to ITC to say goodbye to her before she died'

I just can't believe it, and neither can what seems to be most of the other guests. 'We' don't care about your stupid rules, text; text; text; yatter; yatter; yatter; beep; beep; beep... rebels ;-)

In a hotel during the week, I expect to be surrounded by other like minded guests talking on their mobiles to their family back home, saying good-night to the kids, conversing with colleagues or just sitting down with their Laptops and writing a report, whilst hopefully at the same time maybe trying to relax a little by enjoying a beer or three. And it's a good thing, it breaths a little 'atmosphere' into a place, it helps you if you know your not the only sad fcuker having to work away, it's a common unity to have with your fellow guests.

Who cares whether anyone uses their mobiles or laptops anyway? I'll tell you who; not the staff, no, it's the 'Grumpy Old Men of Cambridge' that have joined someone who happens to be staying in the Hotel that night, no-one else, just the actual people of Cambridge itself.

Ring Ring... 'Ohh Turn that Off!' I hear them cry... :-/

And why do they feel the need to be so Anal about it? They believe because they're from Cambridge, they're far superior to anyone from outside... That's all it is... They haven't the faintest idea about the average guy working away from home just trying to earn a living... Its the Class System, its elitism, its ignorance... And it gets to me every time... pains me beyond belief :-(

OK so I do have an alternative theory that goes along the lines that these 'Grumpy Old Men of Cambridge' just Can't get laid!!! Ergo they're all in fact just complete Wankers! [Unfortunately though to substantiate this in any form I'd have to communicate with them, which I am presently not prepared to do!]

In Cambridge tradition takes precedent... It might well be a centre of excellence for many things, but understanding of the current 'Information Age' and its effects on the society the rest of have to live and breath, isn't one of them!

It's class dominated and it has to be so sickening to anyone with any form of social conscience.

Anyway, home tomorrow night... Yippee... :-)

Ciao Ciao
Confused from Cambridge

I BLOG There4 I am

Computers...

Off out now for the evening, so just a short entry tonight.

It seemed like a long day today...

"Manifest plainness, embrace simplicity, reduce selfishness, have few desires." - Lao-Tzu

All I have is the selfless desire for a plain and simple ERP system !!!

Obviosuly the most overlooked advantage 2 working with computers is that if they fcuk up, there's no law against smacking them around a little :-)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge

I BLOG There4 I Am

And Its Goodnight From Him

It is a very sad day, The Legend that was Ronnie Baker has Died :-(

Probably best remembered from 'Porridge', 'The Two Ronnies' and 'Open All Hours', the man has a very special spot in my heart.

Not only was he a pure comic genius, but he also played the characters in 'Porridge' that gave me the childhood name that sticks with me still.

I've got very vivid and fond memories of my teachers shouting 'Norman Stanley Fletcher' at me, or more usually than not, just 'Fletch', whilst attempting a rough Scottish impersonation of Mr.MacKay :-)

This man defined a part of me 25 years ago that I still hold in my spirit today. :-(

"Just knowing you will not be there anymore, is a sad thought indeed... It's a honour to carry just a little of your memory... Rest in Piece... "

I'm going off to get drunk...
Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge

I BLOG There4 I Am

LOL... Who could forget him singing "Born Free... Until Somebody Caught me" in Porridge :-)

A Temporary Lapse in Opinion

So Sunday night, another spent away in a Cambridge Hotel, what to amuse myself? The Bar of course! 'The Malt'y Man is Cometh' :-)

Although a somewhat limited selection of 'Good Stuff' is available, just the usual 'Run of the Mill' offerings marketed toward foreign guests that might recognise the labels [Glenfiddich FFS... I wouldn't cook with it...], but what the hell, in the absence of Laphroig or Highland Park, I'll settled for a Glenmorangie under duress ;-).

OK so there I am with me wee dram, pondering the 'Pros and Cons' of having a digital camera for Christmas, which obviously I conclude is an exercise in cash evaporation and futility. [Hey, the old photographers phrase 'Be There and F5.6', what's the point in 'Being There' if you can't select F5.6! OK I admit, a descent digital SLR might be an option as a direct replacement for my existing EOS, but the equivalent EOS D5 comes in at 2k Sterling!. Oh, and I'm hardly likely to be tucking that into a belt pouch all day with my lens waiting for moments of clarity am I! [Sorry I'm sounding like a snob, but anything less than 12MP just doesn't deliver the picture quality that film can!]

Umm... where was I ? OH at the Bar... Right...

So this large group of Americans arrive. Obviously with outstretched arms I greet my brothers from across the pond, well actually they wanted my advice on which 'Ale' to try? Their powers of observation had obviously concluded that I was a life long member of 'CAMRA'! [I can only assume they selected me because I was sporting six days of stubble and not even the fact I was holding a whisky tumbler could dissuade them :-/ ] 'Ale'... Ummm... Surely 'Yorkshire Bitter' counts as 'Ale' ;-) Hey, I could have been really nasty and recommended 'Newcastle Brown'! [Anyway, why were't they drinking 'BUD' FFS, they force us to, the least they could do is drink their own medicine!]

Then they descended on mass to the seats next to me to discuss their 'Project Plan' for tomorrows meeting with a potential customer. I won't bore you with the details but to say it was a great illustration of ineptitude would be no understatement [When you have to look up on the Net whether 'Diesel' energy counts as a renewable source of energy or not, you know we're not dealing with eminent Nasa scientist here! I felt so sorry for their boss back home, the cost of getting eight company representatives over to Limey, board, lodgings and their Bar Tab must have been massive, and realistically unless the competition was from 'Teletubby Inc.', they where not getting the contract!]

Anyway, after numerous conference calls, faxes etc. they concluded their business and attempted to relax [By relax I mean drink more 'Ale' and get louder]. It didn't take long for them to invite my conjunctions into their small talk [I can't think of any reasons other than they liked my quaint 'Posh' accent and the fact I was laughing at them quite openly by now... that's the whisky effect!]. We gossiped a while about beer, the 'Fitness' of the blonde Hungarian bar maid and Cambridge City Traffic 'Problems', before someone made a giant leap onto current affairs and Iraq! [No not me, Jesus No, I was far to pissed to get into any form of verbal sparing!]

As you would expect Xenophobia was rife, 'Oil', what had oil got to do with it? and 'Empire Building', No don't be silly...

OK, Preparation required and quickly; stop drinking, force clearing of my head, eat some peanuts, get ready for the scrap, eight on one, easy :-) I am awful when I'm tipsy, quite capable of arguing Black is White if forced to [Well it is! No? Sorry, it could be. It's purely a name given to a variable based on a human conception used to define our surroundings, that's all, it's not a 'fact' ;-)]

OK seconds out round one... Fcuk ! Someone's beat me to it! Championing the cause of all the 'Non American' world for me! And he's one of them! They've got a mole in their own ranks!

And this guy was good, so so fcuking good... Extremely knowledgeable on current politics, the regional history of the Middle East, the whole shooting match... I was dumb founded, I just sat there nodding support whilst every time any of the others tried to preach the 'Company Line' he just blew them out the water, quoting everything from the history of the Ottoman Empire, to statistics on American Oil Reserve forecasts. This guy was the 'Mutts Nutts', I was so glad he was on my side ;-)

Anyway the point of the post, to apologies. That's right, I'm sorry. Sorry for pre-judging and slotting these people into Stereotypes I hold. These were good guys, harmless anyhow. But far more significantly my new 'Friend' had managed to dismiss all my pre-conceptions about Americans and their lack of any understanding of any Foreign Policy. Sorry guys, I stand corrected, someone somewhere in the US, really knows what's going on. :-)

Obviously I later found out it was too good to be true. I establish at breakfast that although the Guy was an American citizen, he was in fact born and bread in the Lebanon. So I'll put this apology down to Glenmorangie and a temporary lapse of opinion on my behalf ;-)

Ciao Ciao
Confused from Chichester

I BLOG There4 I am