'Power To The People'

This caught my attention.. [OK so I'm sure none of us in the UK could of missed it, as it was all over the Press]

Walter Wolfgang AKA 'Wolfie' [As he's known to his friends], was ejected from the 'New' Labour Party conference yesterday and held under the UK's 'Prevention of Terrorism' laws.

Who was this guy? An 'al-Qa'ida' suicide bomber? A 'Mujahedeen' mercenary with secret mission to assassinate our Lord Tony Blair?

No, he was a frail eighty two year old man! A man who has been a Labour Party member since 1948, before Tony Blair was even born. A man who had broken no laws, all he'd dared to do was yell 'nonsense' at the Foreign Secretary whilst he gave a speech. The old boy is a peace campaigner and very anti the war in Iraq.

[Ohh.. While I'm mentioning Tony B, has anyone every seen him and Mrs.Thatcher together in the same room at the same time? It's just a thought because I've got this theory that they might well be one of the same person! You know like Michael Jackson and LaToya.]

Anyway, for heckling... Heckling FFS! It's a party conference, people are meant to Heckle! Oh and Wolfie might not have felt the need to heckle at the conference if 'New' Labour had not refused to debate the war in Iraq in the first place!

The wider issue... Don't say, blog or express your opinions about anything the current UK government doesn't want to here. If you do, your 'Knicked' sunshine under the 'Prevention of Terrorism' act!

It is a very sad day for the freedom of speech in this country. First the ban on demonstrations within a mile of Parliament and now the police see the use of anti-terrorism laws as an excuse to restrain innocent citizens. Sadly though, it can only get worse with the planned introduction of ID Cards and further Anti-Terrorism laws being rushed through.

And the Irony of it all? Jack Straws speech that Wolfie interrupted, it was about the UK's attempt to introduce democracy to Iraq, whilst at the same time giving a clear illustration of fascism in his own country.

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester

I BLOG There4 I Am

Fishy Thoughts

Feeling slightly melancholy this evening.

Melancholy. : mel-an-chol-y : n. 'Pensive reflection or contemplation.' Last night in Cambridge tonight [Back for another five nights next week though].

Had a break from the 'routine' this evening, it was raining so I skipped the usual walk around the town and went straight to the 'Slug' :-) [They've just dimmed the lights which makes working on the Laptop easier :-)].

So, 'Melancholy'. Umm... I've got lots of song Lyrics going around my head. Not just any old Lyrics, old eighties Fish and Marillion ones... Yes, it was me, I'm owning up... I was 'the' Marillion fan... Hey, it was a long time ago, I was young, I knew no better!!! ;-) No, wait a minute, what am I saying, Fish's Lyrical skills are/where second to none. Take this:

I act the role in classic style
Of a martyr carved with a twisted smile
To bleed the lyric for this song
To write the rites to right my wrongs
An epitaph to a broken dream
To exorcise this silent scream...

FFS... The guy is a Genius!

[Full lyrics Here.. All you Poets out there read this !]
[And Full Fishy Lyrics here]
[Fish Wikipedia Entry]
[All Copyrights, well not me anyway !!! ;-)]

Anyway... What am I whittling on about? I haven't got a clue, just the mood I'm in... :-) [Sigman Froid, where are you when your needed! ;-)]

The problem maybe addiction. I am an addict and today I have consumed at least twenty mugs of coffee. The Company where I'm working has a very nice receptionist and it appears one of her roles at work is to sustain Visitors caffeine levels somewhere between the 'ceiling' and 'hyper-spaced'! Ok, that might not be the problem, but it sure ain't helping none [Not that I'm complaining you understand, the reverse is much much worse!].

The problem... I'm missing RB, though I don't feel home sick. But subconsciously I guess I am...

'All day long the door of the subconscious remains just ajar; we slip through to the other side, and return again, as easily and secretly as a cat.' - Walter de la Mare

When we feel uncomfortable in situations or with circumstances we often revert back to our childhoods for comfort [Well I do anyway!]. And one of my most vivid memories of my early life is the first Gig I ever went to see, Marillion. I remember being amazed by Fish's performance and Lyrics. He made a massive impression on me and I can still see aspects of my own personality that I can directly attribute to him.

So there you have it, Melancholy for comfort sakes, well maybe anyway.

"I kiss isolation on its fevered brow" - The Web

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Cambridge

I BLOG There4 I Am

"It don't mean nothin'; it don't mean nothin' to me" - Credo

A Test Of Your Morals

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one.

By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. No one else will know, so you won't be fooling anyone but yourself if you give anything but a truthful answer.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please read slowly and thoughtfully, giving due consideration to each line.

Here's the situation:

You are in Florida; Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.

Suddenly, you see a man floundering in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer...somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is.

It's George W. Bush, President of the United States!!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under... forever. You have two options-you can save the life of G.W. Bush, or you can shoot a dramatic Pultzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful men.

So here's the question, and please give an honest answer:

Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white? :-)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester

I BLOG There4 I am

Tuesday Night Update

Back at base camp, enjoying a Mint Chocolate 'Orange' RB sneaked into my going away kit, but I thought I'd share with you all the fact that it's 'Bin Day' in Cambridge tomorrow. I know this because I just feel over a Big Green Wheelie thing! Well that's beer for you! :-)

Ciao Ciao
Befuddled From Cambridge

I BLOG There4 I Am

Ahab the Bank Manager

Does doing identical things two days in succession count as a routine? Yep, just had a walk around Cambridge and I'm currently sitting in the 'Slug' again, writing my Blog before heading of to find some tucker :-)

I did notice the weirdest thing earlier on my stroll around [Yes, 'Weird' and I'm in Cambridge!]. The Abbey National [A Bank of sorts], has gone into partnership with Costa's [Coffee Shop], and both are sharing the same premises!

Surely this can't be the image the Abbey wish to project! 'We'll keep you waiting so long to see someone; you might as well sit down and have a quick brew!' But on the up side for us lot, at least they're providing us with an ample supply of substances to throw at the condescending bank assistants! [I've just got this mental image of all the Abbey staff coming to work in bright yellow sou'wester's :-)]

Anyway, quick post today, it's been a long day today and I've still got some work to do back at base camp... [Thought I'd better put that in for all my colleagues back in Chi. OK OK so I'm hungry and off for some dinner, Thai maybe :-)]

Home alone, missing RB :-( Back soon babe... Love you :-)

Ciao Ciao
Forlorn From Cambridge

I BLOG There4 I Am

Cambridge - The Sequal

So its back to Cambridge, two weeks work away from home.

Cambridge's dreaded road system failed in its many attempts to get the better of me this time. The 'Cycle Gangs' are still here, still out in force, still trying to wound any unwitting pedestrians with their savage razor like handle bar designs, panniers and child seats. 'Yeah go on, ring that Bell, dare you, double dare you, I'm ready for you this time you B'stards.' [The new tactic, look them straight in the eye and lift your backpack up into the 'Ready to Swing' position!!! ;-) ].

Isn't it a strange feeling, being alone somewhere you know, but knowing no-one? Straight to 'The Slug and Lettuce', the advantage of modern 'Town Life', everything is designed to a set format and the 'Slug' is fitted out exactly the same here as it is at home, comfort in familiarisation. Write a Blog entry before finding a bit of tucker and a few Sherbets.

Cambridge is still the same; same streets, same shops and the same people doing the same thing they were last time I was here. [OK so it was only a month ago].

'Elite' students, most of who look far to 'swoty' to be enjoying an extreme student life, to restrained to appreciate these are the best years of their lives. Aren't they meant to be out there partying, 'Gamble, Screw and get pissed'? Most of them it would seem, far prefer an Iced-Macchiato in Starbucks before retiring home to watch the 'X' Factor and taking an early night.

The 'Rich' inhabitants; university dons and top flight conference business men are all here, frequenting very expensive boutiques and over priced department stores. Even the town 'Market' is expensive, trying to sell fake watches at almost the price of the real thing. Still to be found are the 'Yuppie' bars though, intermingled with Pubs trying on the 'Ye Olde' image that don't sell beer anymore, only bottles of 'Euro Fizz' and Bruschettas. ['Guinness and nuts, sorry squire we stopped that when we had a refit!']

Then there's the Tourist, millions of them. Punt loads of Japanese taken on-mass down the river Cam for twenty minutes while being given some inane historical dialogue they don't understand by students who aren't fortunate enough to have a Daddy who is a Company Chairman, their actually have to pay their own way through Uni.

Even the 'Poor' look rich! The 'Big Issue' salesman was wearing a DKNY jacket and the homeless are camped by the river in new looking polyester Tents. [It wouldn't surprise me to see that they had traded in their mongrels for standard poodles!!!]

Cambridge is odd. It appears the 'Lower Class' feel obliged to fake being 'Middle Class' and the 'Upper Class' feels gratified, with the whole structure perpetuating the class system with its elitism, it just phoney. Beautiful architecture in a beautiful part of the country, but just so far removed from reality it feels like a temporary fix ready to be demolished for a new shopping Mall. It's hanging on to something that has no relevance in today's society, its drowning and taking a last breath, and it knows it.

Now, don't get me wrong, there is a little 'Snob' in all of us, that part of me likes nice things, that part of me like Cambridge. It just feels like someone's stolen Cambridge's 'Sole'. The place isn't at all chilled, just 'up itself', it seems to believes its own tourist propaganda.

The solution? Welcome, 'Pimp My Ride' to Cambridge ;-) Let the Cars Back in!! ;-)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester

I BLOG There4 I am

Tommy Coppererisms

Made me Laugh...

* Did you know all male tennis players are witches? Even that bloke Goran, even he's a witch

* So Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went T'PAU! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand."

* Do you know what makes my blood boil? Crematoriums.

* I was going to write my will today, but then I thought life's too short.

* I'm a hunt saboteur, I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

* I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End'

* I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"

* I was in the supermarket and this man and woman were wrapped in a bar code. I said, "Are you two an item?"

* My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.

* I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."

* I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue, and I couldn't put it down.

* Do you ever get that feeling when you're halfway through eating a horse when you think, "I'm not as hungry as I thought I was."

* So I went to this hotel and the receptionist asked, "Do you have a reservation?? I said, "Yes, I'm worried about the price."

* So I met this rabbit today and he said, "Are you looking at me?" It was Rabbit de Niro.

* He was male rabbit, and he said, "I'm not going any further." I said, "So the buck stops here."

* He chopped off one of his feet, I said to him "That's lucky."

* So this lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

* I was in the hairdressers today and my father's sister came in and she was spinning around. I thought "Oh, my giddy aunt."

* So this cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"

* I left home and my mum said "Don't forget to write" I said "Come on, it's the basic skills"

* So I used to work in Burger King and Andrew Lloyd Webber walked in one day and he said "Give me a couple of whoppers" I said "You're good looking and your musicals are great"

* So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull goes first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest"

* So this bloke said to me "Do you agree with arranged marriages?" I said "Yes I do. I went to a marriage once that hadn't been arranged and it was chaos"

* I was in the cinema watching a very sad film and this bloke behind me started wailing. Then I got hit in the back of the head with a harpoon.

* I went to the doctor. He said "You've got hypochondria" I said "Not that as well"

* I told him "Doctor, I think the whole world is against me" He said "OK lads, he's in here"

* I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director & I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said "I careered off the road"

Don't you just love email to Blog ! Thanks Mrs.Malfoy :-)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester

I BLOG There4 I am

The Good, the Great and the Ugly

I watched an episode of 'Coupling' last night, Series 2 'Dressed'... And even though I'd only seen it a couple of weeks ealier I still found it hilarious.

So I got to thinking that's maybe that's what makes a good comedy, or in fact a good comedian, when you can watch them over and over again but they still remain amusing?

Ummm... Hence I thought I'd just knock up a quick post and try and list my Top 10 comedians or shows that I think are timeless, ergo fantastic. [In no particular order though, that would just be impossible to do!] .

• Peter Sellers .
• Les Dawson .
• Eric Morecambe .
• Peter Cooke .
• Tommy Cooper .
• Billy Connelly .
• Spike Miligan .
• Monty Python .
• Black Adder .
• Coupling [Well up until 'Caravan Shaker' left in Series 4].
• Red Dwarf .

OK so if I had to pick a favourite it would be the Late Great Spike [Closely pursued by Peter Cooke though]. Umm... Does 'Northern Exposure' Count? Na I didn't think so either. Marginal, but even though it is the best TV program ever aired, as it's not a true comedy I've just got to omit it from the list :-(

But then there's Movies... Oh no I've forgotten Blazing Saddles, Aeroplane, Bill and Ted and almost anything with Robbin Williams in! OK, this list does not included Movies!!! [Did I really say 'Bill and Ted' then!!!]

Feel free to point out any I've missed... [No Benny Hill doesn't count!]

OK and here is my favourite Les Dawson Mother-In-Law joke... :-) 'There was a knock at the door, I new it was the mother in law because all the mice were throwing themselves on the traps.' :-) LOL

OK then, the bestest 'Coupling' quote as a Bonus: Jeff - 'Maybe women are completely different when we're not with them. Maybe they're not cross all the time.' :-) Gotta laugh :-)

The Pub is calling...

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester

I BLOG There4 I am

Know Your Rights

During the Nineteen thirties and forties a group of our own 'Race' we're so horrifically abused it's beyond belief.

1.6 Million of them were forced into Labour Camps. Conditions were appalling, they had minimum sanitation, provisions or warmth, disease was rife and their chances of survival were less than 50%.... These however, were the lucky ones.

18 Million others were forced into extermination camps [Belzec, Sobibor, Treblinka, Chelmno, Majdanek and Auschwitz]. Their chances of survival? No one knows exactly, how do you count bodies when all that's left is Ash. [Some estimates put it as high as 11 million people!].

Why did this happen? In between the megalomania, xenophobia and pure insanity, fundamentally the cause was that no individual had 'rights' afforded to them in any way, they were dehumanised. International Law and the Geneva Convention were held in such a low esteem by their captors, that both were completely ignored.

[I don't know about you, but when I read that it makes my stomach turn and my heart heavy :-( ]

But maybe there's hope in there somewhere. Maybe we've progressed sufficiently as a Global Society to believe that the abuse of a group of individual's 'rights' could not happen again. Surely within our own civilised 'western' society we wouldn't forsake anyone these, no matter what his or her values, creed or colour.

But we'd be wrong wouldn't we.

In January 2002, hundreds of 'captives' we're interned by the USA. As above, tortured, detained without evidence and detained without their 'rights' under International Law afforded to them. None of them have been brought before a 'competent tribunal' to determine their status, as required by Article 5 of the Third Geneva Convention. Their incarceration in Guantanamo Bay is even unlawful under America's own laws...

So here we are on a very 'Slippery Slope'... On a path which our leaders have decided on. A path where our 'civilised' society has decided once more it can 'Pick and Choose' which laws we 'do or do not' want to obey. Have we learnt nothing from history? The road the US has taken is a extremely frightening one, for all of us. If we take away a single individuals rights, you take away far more, you take away everyone's freedom.

'Those who deny freedom to others, deserve it not for themselves; and, under a just God, can not long retain it.' - Abraham Lincoln - 1859

So then George can you live up to old Ab.? What's your 'Final Solution' then?

'Remember, these are - the ones in Guantanamo Bay, killers. They don't share the same values we share' - G.W.Bush - 2002.

Fcuk !!! So now in the world according to Bush, it's fine to imprison individuals without trial because they have different values to him! :-/

If they're murderers or terrorists George prove it, or let them go. [Remember 'Innocent until proven Guilty'?] If they're prisoners of war; soldiers, then treat them as such and afford them that status. [And now the war in Afghanistan is over, I think you will find you're meant to return them!].

Oh and Shit George, I really hope I don't share the same 'values' as you, even if that does mean I have to forfeit all my rights as an individual...

'Quis Custodiet ipsos custodes'

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester

I BLOG There4 I am

Tourette's, Beer and Rock'n'Roll...

The usual TFIT Posse we're out Saturday nite and joined by 'Regan' and 'Mantovarni's Mullet', both of whom suprised us all by managing to keep up with the rest of us on the Drinking front!!! [They're getting 'On A Bit' and not as 'practiced' as the rest of the Hardcore posse ;-)]. The occasion that brought together the full lounge ['Lounge' being the Collective Noun for Newts ;-)], for the weekend bash? A 'Best of the 80's' concert...

The 80's I here you all 'Cry'... Yep the 80's. I'm afraid my youthful looks and fair complexion are purly a deception. They are in fact a bi-product of consuming vast quantities of Guinness and Nicoteen over the years which has fortunately masked my seasoned years. I remember the 80's far too vividly... I remember everything... Well almost everything... The Bits in between being either stoned or pissed that is... Oh to have been a 60's guy :-)

An 'Open Air' 80's Extravagnaza... "Ocean FM in association with Megafan is bringing a fantastic night of live 80s music to the South Coast" !!!

Rendezvouz... The Local [AKA 'The Spitting Llama' pub ;-)], 6PM for pre-entertainment drinkies, then forward, marching on to the venue for about 7.30... 'Marching' ? Ok Drive, Robo-Babe and Mrs.Malfoy doing the very honorable Job of Chauffering the Mob to and from the gig... Thanks Girls :-)

Victuals had been sort by Regan, Two Massive Cool Bags of Beer and a small bottle of Pop for the drivers... So after a swift pint or three it was off to the venue... Fcuk me its cold!!! OK, so it's not Winter cold, about 5 degrees, but not really 'Lets all leave the nice warm pub to stand outside for a few hours' weather either!

No worries though, Robo-babe had forseen the 'Extreme' temperatures we were going to have to withstand that evening and had raided the wardbrobe for our 'Artic Survival' gear! Yes, I mean real Artic survival gear! We'd tested in February down to minus 38 Degrees, this is unbelieveably good gear!!! But it's only 5 degrees out! I can just about manage my first layer of underwear and a pair of socks without coming out in a sweat! RB's there though 5 layers and a Survival Jacket complete with Survival Blanket, whistle and Flare, she's not getting caught out by any 'Cold Snap' :-)

Right the Gig then...

Firstly... A whole hour of 80's tracks courtesy of some dodgy DJ.

Next... Nick Hayward... Who the fcuk is Nick Hayward!!! Oh that Poof from Haircut 100... Ummm... 'Has he gone yet, this is bollox...' [OK so Silver Beaver enjoyed him, he was her pin up, ahhh :-) ]

Next... Curiosity Killed The Cat... And if Curiosity hadn't I would of!!! OK getting bored now... 6 Tracks was 5.9 to many...

Next... Oh I know lets play another 50 minutes of 80's singles... :-/ This was relief though compared with the previous acts... Old Rockers never die, they just get even worse than they were before...

Next... Yes!!! Its the Man, the headline act, the one we've all been waiting for... Midge Ure :-) Ex-Visage [Steve Strange etc.], Ex-Ultravox, Ex-Solo [:-/ ?], the guy that wrote the Band Aid song !!! This guy is the Fcukin Mutts Nuts... This guy Rocks!!! Well briefly anyway, 6 tracks if you include the oncore !!!

6 Tracks !!! I've been hanging around perspiring my testicles off for two hours, being forced to drink copious quantities of Guinness to put up with 10th rate acts and crap DJ's, for 6 Tracks!!! I think I was robbed !!! Amazingly talented as he was, 6 tracks for fcuks sake!!! My Tourettes medication had worn off... I was ready to kill, I knew he could smell the anger in the audience... He left very quickly...

But having said that, all in all an enjoyable nite was had :-) Dobby and Chris Moyles we're pissed as farts, with Silver Beaver, Regan, Mants. Mullet and myself in hot persuit :-) As usual Dobby's leash was let out far too long and he was causing havoc amongst the crowd, but hey, they don't let him out the 'Special' hospital that often to mingle with the public... ;-)

Ciao Ciao
Confused from Chichester

I BLOG There4 I am

A Complete Jim Henson Creation

President Addresses United Nations High-Level Plenary Meeting

'We must defeat the terrorists on the battlefield, and we must also defeat them in the battle of ideas.' - G.W.Bush - 14/09/05

'The Battle of Ideas' - George W.! Ideas! Oh fcuk we're fcuked... :-/

I recon it was a typo! Surely with his track record on 'Ideas' he can't be serious.

Maybe it's just one of those translation problems between 'English' and 'American English', you know like Hood/Boot etc?

Checking...

The definition of the word 'Idea' is here. [Did you notice how closely related it is to the words 'Thinking' and 'Thoughts'? I just put them in the mix in case George W. was reading this ;-)]. There doesn't seem to be an 'American' alternative to the 'English' version of the word 'Ideas' anywhere though, odd.

Do you think George W.'s dyslexic? 'Ideas' it's a simple and short word though, hard to think that he could get it confused with something else. Ummm... 'Incompetence' maybe? Same first letter... 'We must defeat them in the battle of Incompetence', Yep that must be it... You win George, Game Over :-)

OK it was a long shot... He was being serious wasn't he :-(

It's NOT the 'Battle of Ideas' you dim witted Muppet... It's the reverse, it should be 'The Battle for Acceptance of others Ideas'!!!

Everyone's different, different philosophies; different beliefs; different religions. The Battle should be to stop others forcing their particular 'Ideas' onto others. Acceptance that we're all different. Acceptance that just becuase something works for you, doesn't mean it's right for everyone else etc.etc.

Or as Martin Luther put it far more eloquently than me, 'We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools'.

It's obvious isn't it? George W. does make me sad :-( How can a Muppet that dim be allowed that amount of responsibility..? :-(

Oh, why we're talking about George W. have you noticed that when you type 'Dictator' into a Thesaurus both 'Commander' and 'Terrorist' appear as alternatives... Ummm makes you wonder ;-)

Ciao Ciao
Confused from Chichester

I BLOG There4 I am

A Question of Ethics

In light of recent news about human cloning and stem cell research, I think its important that we all start asking ourselves some hypothetical questions:

For instance, if you pushed your own clone off the top of a tall building, would it be:

• Murder ?
• Suicide?
• or Merely making an obscene clone fall?

OK, OK it was bad... ;-)

Right then cloning... To be honest, it worries me...

So lets forget about that whole God(s) argument and try and making a serious observation. Cloning would promote further Social Darwinism; the rich being able to pay for the design of 'Better' babies. Now I'm not against the rich being allowed to spend their money in any way; shape or form. No, what I'm against is that suddenly we're dismissing the whole 'Survival of the Fittest' science, the basis of our species evolution.

We will be populating our planet with indivuals that have not necessarily evolved to be here. Frightening...

[Please try and avoid the obvious 'Chav' comments... ;-)]

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester

I BLOG There4 I am

Absolutly Nothing...

Just a quick post to say that i've got 'absolutely nothing' to say about anything today. [OK, with the exception that I've got to say that I've got nothing to say. Oh and then of course, then I've got to say that I've got nothing to say about nothing to say... ∞ ]

Well that's not really the skinny, as usual I've got lots to say, but time has beaten me and I've got far better things to do than sit here trying to think meaningful thoughts for my reader(s), so entertain yourselves with the below. :-)

Statement...

"As a scientist, I am not sure anymore that life can be reduced to a class struggle, to dialectical materialism, or any set of formulas. Life is spontaneous and it is unpredictable, it is magical. I think that we have struggled so hard with the tangible that we have forgotten the intangible"

Discuss...

Right time to go, but I must point you all in the direction of Michael Moores latest offering, if you haven't seen it yet... A Letter to All Who Voted for George W. Bush from Michael Moore Good Journalisum... :-)

Ciao Ciao
Confused from Chichester

I BLOG There4 I Am

Llamas, Iguanas and Michael Flatley

The B'stard thing spat at me! The Llama that is...

It was the Robo-babes Birthday Saturday; time to submit to all her Whims and plan a weekend of folly.

After a wee Drunken Birthday celebration Friday night in Chichester with friends [Jesus I do talk a lot of Bollox when I'm pissed, sorry Big Boy], it was all systems go for the Mayhem Mystery Tour of Sussex.

First place Staunton Park, a petting zoo kind of thing rolled into botanical gardens with a large lily pond.

Now RB being the 'Nature girlie' she is, loves this kind of place, upfront and in your face cute and cuddly animals. [Not really my cup of tea unless you get to choose which one you want to eat for supper ;-)]. So we had the 'full-on' experience, Goats, Ducks, Chickens, Pigs, Cows, Rabbits, Guinea Pigs, and Sheep etc. Get right in there watching, stroking and feeding.[Ever wondered if these places would give you the food if everyone stopped buying it? Surely they've got to feed the animals anyway?... Oh silly me, they'd just put the price up for entry... :-/ ]

Bestest thing? [Ok in my opinion, RB liked the Guinea Pigs, oh incidentally, her Guinea Pig impression is spot on]. Yep a family of field mice were squatting in the Rabbit shed :-) They were awesome, living it up like it was Christmas, scampering around stealing the rabbit's food :-) Obviously no one had told them they we're next door to the Barn Owl enclosure, but hey ;-)

Oh, then there was the Llama that spat at me when I went to stroke him... Of course he quickly high tailed it out of there after my expletive enriched reprimand ... Not! [Oh, apparently you're only allowed to stroke the llamas not poke them in the eyes with big sticks after they spit at you...]

Saturday Evening...

I'm beginning to dread going out for dinner... If anything can go wrong when dinning out, it has for me recently. From being 'refused dinner', to being given someone else's, to just not picking the right places to eat... [Never ever order a steak from the 'Waverly' unless u like it fcuked... By fcuked I mean cremated and the ashes delivered on ceramic plates rather than in a ceramic urn, even when u've requested Medium-Rare repeatedly on several occasions to a chef who had obviously missed his return seat on the 'Sammy Sunshine Bus' back to 'Retard Chef School' and was just filling in for a while.]

But this evening was spent in a very nice restaurant in Emsworth... 36 On The Quay.
Exquisite Tucker, really really enjoyable. First class, and not a disaster waiting to happen anywhere... [Completely contrary to what some jumped up, over opinionated food critic in the 'Telegraph' might tell you.]

Sunday...

A Butterfly, Bird, Garden..? Oh I don't know what it was! All I can say is it appeared that the Gardener had died 10 years previously and they hadn't yet replaced him. But they did have the 'Noah's Ark' animal rescue centre attached.[You getting the animal Theme here? ;-)]. Now you've seen thirty Guinea Pigs the previous day so its hard getting excited at another 100, but they also had Tortoise [pronounced Tor-Toit-ise], rabbits, ducks, chickens [No it was a different place honest!], but to top it off, Reptiles... And I love reptiles... Big Boa's, Pythons, Tarantulas and Lizards, all rescued from twats that didn't realise Iguanas get real Big!!! And housed in very good conditions... I was very impressed, even if I couldn't feed them... [I've always fancied [No not bilblically], a chameleon].

The weekend was completed all bar a few games of Cranium... Designed for 4+ players, but achievable by two with a little improvisation and cheating :-) I must say, my Michael Flatley dancing by bending my knees 90-degree forward charade was remarkably good, if not a little painful.

Anyway, happy birthday babe... :-)

Oh and a Big thank you to the person who will remain nameless, but know who they are :-)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester

I BLOG There4 I am

Neanderteen

OK 29,000 years ago something happen in the evolution of our species... Neanderthal Man ceased cruising the great ice-sheets for totty and tucker, and Homo-sapiens took over the reins as the dominant species on the planet....

In my new groundbreaking theory of evolution I intend to disprove everything Darwin and creationists alike have ever told you, it had nothing to do with survival of the fittest, nor anything to do with god(s). The reason we changed? It's obvious! It was caused by some snotty arrogant teenage cave-dude deciding he wanted to be different!

Boredom... He was bored with fighting other Clans all the time; bored with frequent casual commitment free shagging; bored of getting high on plant extract; bored of testing his masculinity fighting Saber-Tooth Tigers.

He didn't want to be like his parents; that was the old way; he was a visionary; he was a kind of Neanderthal Bill Gates, he wanted more. He wanted to be settled in one place; he wanted to own a farm with cattle and crops; he wanted small communities of friends to chill with; he wanted a committed monogamous relationship; he wanted to be 'extreme'...

The evidence... Look around you... Evolution had nothing to do with it, it was teenagers. And his kids he taught to want more than he had. He taught them to question; to demand bigger and better things; more cows; more crops; more friends; less drugs; less women; and over thousands of years teenagers shaped the world into what it is today.

So next time you see a memeber of the younger generation walking down the street with his homies being loud, anti-social, stoned and aggressive, just remember how far we've progressed in the last twenty thousand years because of them.

Then think about your children, these are our future, theses guys are going to question the Status Quo, push back the boundaries of knowledge, and force us all from our 'Comfort Zones' to progress our civilisation. Don't judge or criticise the generation below you for having different ideas from you, don't be so arrogant as to assume yours ideas are right. No, encourage theirs, let them do what they're destined to do.

As my old mate Albert Eistein said 'The important thing is not to stop questioning', never.

Have a Good weekend people :-)

Ciao Caio
Confused from Chichester

I BLOF There4 I am

Supermans Todger !

Just a quick post... [Off for Beer and Curry :-) Yippee]

It seems there is some good news for all you guys out there that might be feeling slightly insecure about the size of your 'manhood'...

'El Reg.' has reported today, superman might well have X-ray vision and be as strong as ten Arnie's, but unfortunately he's only got a small Todger!! [I wonder if being faster than a speeding bullet is a problem to? ;-) ]

[OK it's an open goal people, I've set you all up for a vaste array of possible humerous comments, the winner gets Terry Hatchers Phone number... ;-)]

Ciao Ciao
Confused from Chichester

I BLOG There4 I am

IT Support from "Relate"

Dear I.T. Support,

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble.

However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.

Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiancee 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2004.

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is. Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.

Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off. Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2003, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.

John Doe (User)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear (L)user,

Thank you for your email reference Technical issues u've been experiencing in your VR system...

It would appear that these 'Bugs' have been brought on by your antiquated hardware not fulfilling some basic system requirements. We suggest you read the online help manual, 'Men are from Microsoft, Women are from Linux'.

These hardware issues should be addressed immediately as most 'Femsoft' applications have become more 'resource hungry' over recent years. Larger, faster more robust hard drives are required to fulfil their basic minimum installation requirements. The processing power from a new chip set should also massively increase the realism of the whole gaming experience for you.

Upgrading your existing operating system, Reality 95 to NewManXP should be an obviously first step. Most good firewalls and AV software should combat any problems you may of been experiencing with SoBig-BunnyBoiler and MyDoom2Emotional. Also we recommend installation of some spyware software as to avoid 'FemSoft' applications detecting you're downloading 'Dutchgirlsparty' mpegs. [Future Operating System upgrades should be planned for next year, replacing nmXP with LongerHorn].

Personally, I've now been running with Girlfriend [Robo-babe Northern UK English Config. 1.3] for two years now on a 'state-of-the-art' NewManXP Clone with considerable additional RAM and the Software seem very stable. Because of which I've put in place a upgrade path to Wife 1.2 for 2006 [depending on other systems configuration issues].

Hope this helps.

Bofh [Having a nice day]

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two Years with the Robo-babe, gone so quick yet seems like forever, happy anniversary babe, love you :-)

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester

I BLOG There4 I am

Jamie 'Fcukin' Oliver

Just a quick post today :-) [I know, apologies to my Fan(s) but its been a busy evening].

So I thought I'd share with you all a little link I've just found...

Simply Fired Dot Com... The collective stories of how people have been fired from their jobs... Most enjoyable reading... [Trust me, have a look, think pizza]...

Oh, an unrelated questions. Why is it that supermarkets never have the things on the shelves that you want? [Conspiracy Theories welcome...] Are Maris Piper Potatoes really that unusual? Would a Galia Melon be asking just a little too much? OK, so maybe I'm getting fastidious. How about some onions maybe?, no dont be silly! Bread? Well of sorts, a selection that would make a half starved duck pour Plum Sauce on his Legs! We're talking about a major 24/7 Sainsbury's outlet here, not a Lidl FFS!!!

Oh and why I'm Sainsbury's bashing... I fcuking hate that Jamie Oliver bloke, he gets right up my nose! Show me a single recipe he's done that Keith Floyd didn't do better twenty years ago, and i'll show you my mothers far superior version! I can't wait for him to show up in my local store and start rummaging around in my trolley... 'I haven't bought anything you little twat, you haven't put anything on the shelves I need, now piss-the-fcuk-off and go shag someone elses dinner!!!' BOP!!!

"Making Life taste better"... my arse!!! Sorry off on one there a bit :-/

And sorry folks, had to put a 'Word Verification' on the comments... I know it's a pain in the arse but I was getting far too much SPAM.

Ciao Ciao
Confused From Chichester

I BLOG There4 I am

'Global Warming' - AKA Katrina

THE HURRICANE that struck Louisiana was nicknamed Katrina by the US National Weather Service. Its real name is global warming.*

Was Katrina Caused by Global Warming? You know what, it doesn't matter. What matters is that for the first time the Bush Administration (Which is sponsored by an awful lot of 'Oil Money'), will hopefully circum to pressure and seriously address the issue they've been trying to side step all their time in office, climate change.

When the US Environmental Protection Agency in 2003 issued its first comprehensive Report on the Environment, stating: "Climate change has global consequences for human health and the environment", the White House simply removed the line and all such conclusions.**

In February 2004, 60 Prominent US scientists warned in a statement, Restoring Scientific Integrity in Policymaking: "Successful application of science has played a large part in the policies that have made the US the world's most powerful nation and its citizens increasingly prosperous and healthy ... Indeed, this principle has long been adhered to by presidents and administrations of both parties in forming and implementing policies. The administration of George W Bush has, however, disregarded this principle ... The distortion of scientific knowledge for partisan political ends must cease..." Bush ignored the statement.**

James Glassmans Article is just 'A-typical' of a large proportion of the US media, whos 'Fossil Fuel sponsored' approach is, 'Icesheet, Icesheet, What fcukin Icesheet... Shit I can't find my head in this Sand Pit anywhere'... Get with the Programme James... Shit's happening, and if you don't believe it check out your own M.I.T. report. [Obviously not funded by Exxon, as Mr.Glassman is].

9/11 made America aware of the existence of the outside world, it's just a crying shame that it might take another disaster, New Orleans, to make the Bush Administration 'Wake-up' up and address Global Warming.

I've said it before on this Blog; I believe in America, I believe they have what it takes to solve a great deal of the world's problems. All we have to do now is hope their paranoia is replaced with understanding, and maybe just a little acceptance that not all the world likes 'Coke', some of us prefer tea or Turkish coffee, that doesn't make us anti-American, just different.

Ciao Ciao
Confused from Chichester

I BLOG There4 I Am

* Ross Gelbspan
** Guardian Online

Situations Vacant

COMPANY : GENCLOP
(Genetically Cloned Pussy)

Situations Vacant:

1 x Clinical Geneticist
1 x Biotech. Cloning Scientist
1 x Cattery/Kennel Maid

Must have own resources and funding, good sense of Humour, Smoker, like cats.

Position(s)/Company Overview:

To develop a breeding program for 'Big Cats', genetically engineered as to never progress past a physical age of 3 months old,[Therefore staying in a perpetual 'Cub' status, consequently being all cute, cuddly and extremely 'commercially' desirable]. Also the Cubs should be genetically developed with 'Built in Redundancy' [Say an average life span for each model of no more than 3 years, therefore creating a continuous market for replenishment. A bit like all MS products]. Cloning Scientist required for mass production of the units. Cattery/Kennel Maid: Female 18-22, preferably experienced au pair.

Hey, it's a good idea; people would pay thousands for a cute little Lion, Tiger, Snow Leopard, etc. that never grew up... Think about it... You would wouldn't you!!!

Investors: If you feel like investing in the project please feel free to donate large sums of money. (Please make cheques payable to myself rather than to the 'GENCLOP Company', as I seem to be having a few problems with the Bank).

Yep, you guessed it... I didn't win the Lottery again :-/

Ciao Ciao
Confused from Chichester

I BLOG There4 I am

'Top Form Old Bean'

'Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.' - Emily Post

I was going to do a post about the differences between good manners and etiquette, but after a while I found myself distracted by a bigger question. [All I wanted to prove was that wearing my usual attire of a baseball cap, hoody, trainers and combats into a 'posh' restaurant was not in fact bad manners, but purely bad etiquette. Etiquette that is based on outdated Edwardian and Victorian customs [But originally Roman], that we're used to suppress the masses and stimulate elitism within the higher echelons of society. Therefore having not a single shred of relevance in today's modern 'Individual' society... ergo... 'NO' I'm not taking my fcukin cap off.]

But then I got to thinking... Why do I wear what I wear?

I'd like to think, as I guess all of us would, that what we choose to wear is a directed reflection of our own individual personality, but alas I know this can't be true. How can it be when someone else designed whatever it is we're wearing. It can only be the case that we choose an image based on what 'we've been told' reflects a portrait of ourselves.

So what's going on? [Apart from the obvious advantage that I'm no longer allowed to be dragged around 'Bluewater' shopping]. Well the truth is I don't really know... :-/

Someone has decided what I should wear, so if I'm not being repressed by ancient etiquette, I'm being dictated to by some nameless modern fashion designer... [The obvious Irony here being my modern 'hooded uniform' might costs vastly more than the average etiquette suit...]

But the BIG question is why any of us feel the need to wear a particular 'Uniform' at all? Obviously taking into consideration not wearing one says as much about you as doing so does. So who's judging who here and why does it matter? Please assist :-)

Help Help I'm being repressed... Think I better book myself onto a sewing course... ;-)

Have a good weekend People :-)

Ciao Ciao
Confused from Chichester

I BLOG There4 I am

For J. the snob-babe :-)

Trainspotting the Sequal... [For Geeks]